~0 degrees celsius freezer~

2011-11-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

A lot of things have been happening recently! Well firstly I haven't been posted out of where I am yet because I am awaiting the start of my course. Haha shall not go into details explaining because those who know me well enough would know what I am talking about! Haha still as mysterious as ever eh? Well I guess that's me? Probably I'm just lazy..

Alright so now currently I'm stuck guarding the gym, which obviously isn't a very entertaining 'job' but oh well, I got the best offer already so I shouldn't be complaining so much! Haha. I think recently I really don't have much blogging inspiration.. Cause I really don't know what to said already.. Okay till next time! =D

Sometimes it's really hard to make decisions when you're stuck at too many crossroads - it becomes a maze!

Stuck.. =X

2011-10-17T09:51:00.002+08:00

Alright finally is October! =D Haha this is the 4th post i am typing now already, and the first one with the actual date! The posts are getting longer and longer. Maybe i'm getting the 'feel' back for blogging. Wonder whether this post would be longer than the rest. Hmm..

If you are wondering why am i suddenly so free today, it's actually because ever since the day i came back to Singapore, which was stated in my last post, i have actually been quite 'free'. In simple terms, I have lots of time on hand to spare but i don't really have the chance to do what i want to do because i'm trapped in this place. But thank God for the computer here which actually i have no idea what i could really do here for more than 8 hours a day. Any ideas? Haha. Thank God despite all these at least now i get to go home everyday, which is awesome! =D

But come tomorrow i have no idea where i will be posted to and when! In fact, i may know the results of my posting today but i rather not to. I'm actually praying hard that i will not be posted out so soon but for the next batch instead of tomorrow. Those of you on the ball ones should know where will i be going if i actually get posted out tomorrow, haha that is if you even get what i mean. I wonder why am i being so secretive here, but I have already been like that for the previous few posts so why change? Haha. Maybe i'm just lazy to explain or even sick of it because my story isn't something from the norm, and not many people know how it actually works. But oh well, if you know me, you'll know! If you don't, then too bad! =D

I really want to stay on here because i still have so much to learn, and i need time to do so!

Please God!! =X

2011-09-20T22:10:00.002+08:00

Touchdown! =D This was the long awaited day of returning back to Singapore! When i walked out of the airport and into my cousin's car, everything felt so surreal to me. It seemed like i instantly adapt to the life in Singapore, excluding the part where the heat plus the humidity made me feel a little stuffy. It seemed like as though i have not left Singapore at all!

Australia was wonderful, but i couldn't wait to get back because of things i miss here in Singapore. Those who are close enough to me would know what i miss! =D Anyway, the flight experience there i would say is much better than in SYFC in Singapore. The weather there was good, but dry. But i have clear horizons most of the days, which was great for visual flying! Too bad i still couldn't fully overcome the habit of traumatizing myself and building barriers to stress myself up although they were originally supposed to protect me from messing things up, which obviously it never really did. I failed the course, and i was in total shock on that day. Haha afterwards i thought it would be better for me since i don't really like the culture there anyway so might as well not stuck 10 years of my life in there.

What's next for me? SIA probably? Haha but that also depends on whether i make the cut through their interviews. But oh well, i still have a long way to go for my NS before everything else, unless i signed on again.. which is something i don't thing i'll be considering for the moment. Till the next time, God bless! =D

The number of failures does not dictate whether you succeed in life or not, but the way you pick yourself up every time after you fail does. =D

Rising up again!

2011-08-14T19:50:00.002+08:00

This date was the date that i took off to Tamworth, Australia for my Air Grading Course (AGC) which is my pilot selection. Well i went off in a good note and quite enjoyed the process there since it was my first time being abroad for so long, only to find out that some of the things there aren't really what i have expected. For eg, the super duper poor 3G and internet connection plus how expensive things are there. I guess i shall elaborate more of that in my next post! =D

When environment changes, your lifestyle got to change as well.

Changes

2011-07-03T11:11:00.002+08:00

Haha time to back post again! =D This date was my POP date from BMT! Finally POP-ed after the 24km route march! I remembered i was almost falling asleep already on the parade and the abrasion (shall not say where) did not help much either. But i think it was a good experience standing on the floating platform in the parade, though we are like super super far behind..

Sigh thought that might be one of my last time doing that.. but it seems like now i'm going back to more parades again! Haha some more i don't know when I am going to be doing that.

The feeling of uncertainty isn't good!

When will i know?

2011-06-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

Ahh this is a nice date! Last book in date! =D aww i quite missed the times actually. I have more freedom now actually, but it tempts me to look forward for more. I think I haven't been adapting to it well lately.. Oh well! =X

Moving on to the next phase! =D

How will it be like?

2011-05-06T21:05:00.002+08:00

Hahaha I'm creating random blog posts with dates that have passed so that my archive have all the months! (Cheat!!) Okay, let's see. This date is the date of my enlistment into NS! I remember i didn't have a pleasant start in the morning, and it affected the next few days too! Never mind! =D

As time goes, responsibility grows! =D

New hairstyle! =D

2011-04-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

Haha welcome back to April! Last month of work and to think back, i really missed those times! =D

Things change as much as you don't want them to.

Back in time! =D

2011-03-29T03:41:00.002+08:00

Okay I'm still here. It's my second post already. Will i feel like my body is going to collapse later? No idea. =X Anyway! If anyone here talked to me on MSN before, you realised that i have the word "simplicity" in my nick before. I think life can actually be very simple. In fact, I think it is! It's just that people are making it complicated and more complicated. That's why relationship between people is the most complicated thing, don't you agree? And please, by relationship i don't mean only BGR. But i suppose relationships can also be simplified. But our inner desires always desires for more. And that's what make things complicated. =X

Actually, who says simple things can't make someone smile? I myself would rather get simple nice gestures than huge big expensive gifts that would only get me ecstatic for a period of time and there's no nice memories left to keep. Then again, my mind isn't that powerful either. I forget stuff too. I think that is when the joy comes in when i suddenly starts recollecting the wonderful memories i had, and that makes me smile and wanting to get back to that very moment. It motivates me to try and recreate that moment again, and it makes me feel like cherishing the person who shared that wonderful memory with me even more. =D

I think i like feeling appreciated. I think that's a great joy to me! =D I think feeling appreciated by those whom you really do cherish is really an awesome gift to have everyday! It doesn't have to be a very big thing. It's just a small and simple gesture and it could go a long long way. I guess that's what i want. =D Then again, I really need to sleep soon! LOL. Goodnight! =D

Thinking of those days make me smile! =D We need not go back to that time, but just some quiet time together. =D

Appreciation =D

2011-03-29T03:03:00.004+08:00

Something is seriously wrong with me these days. Tired? Probably. But i'm beginning to think that it is not going to be a good excuse for me to be like this. Being tired doesn't give me the right to let me emotions overwhelm me and lost all control of myself and being mad or whatsoever. Sigh.

I think i'm stressing myself up over stuff. It's been a long time since i felt this way liao actually. Great improvement! =D But is that considered as being ________? Haha feel in that blank yourself. For some reasons, the word is just not there. I wonder, a few months down the road, would i still remember what that word is. But anyway, it isn't really a nice memory, so if i forget it, wouldn't it be better? =D

And i feel like it's dropping into a vicious cycle again. It seems that i am growing numb to it. Unknowingly, i didn't even realise how much i did today and how much free time i got. But thank God in between all this, there's still time where i was smiling widely from EAR to EAR. Hahaha. I think it's working! =D I'm starting to remember happy stuff and started smiling again! Yay! =D else i think i really no need to sleep tonight. It's 3am already, and i got to wake up real soon!! Think i should go and freshen myself up and wake up my idea. Till next time! =D

It doesn't feel nice to be able to feel that something is wrong, yet not able to know what exactly is wrong.

Kudos to anyone who understands this blog post. =D God bless! =D

2011-03-19T00:34:00.002+08:00

Woah I finally got a chance to blog, and I actually did on the computer for it! =D Anyway, I had a thought in mind. Have you ever wondered, when things start to become a routine, does that means that you're too used to it that it has long it's meaning? Or perhaps it's just that you're used to it, and it doesn't seems so special anymore, yet at the same time if it's suddenly gone, you will feel all weird? Hahaha. Or maybe it's not as simple as being used to it, it's about being comfortable enough in the presence, perhaps a little too comfortable, and that's why it's like that. Does that counts as taking the presence for granted?

Wow that was a lot of questions. And I realised my brain isn't as active as it used to be when I blog. Haha perhaps it's cause i was totally worn out just now - I'm slightly better now, but still sleepy actually. It's okay though. =D Actually maybe it's because I'm perplexed myself by this, that's why I do not really have answers to it. Guess I'll just have to keep thinking! Just keep thinking.. Just keep thinking.. Haha sounds like finding Nemo. Okay till next time! (and i don't know when it will be..)

Nothing had ever matter more to me than this. =D

Awesome! =D

2011-02-21T20:09:00.003+08:00

It's been really really a long time since I have last blogged. I have been busy at work and with many other stuff, there's just simply just enough time left for me to catch my breath. Actually, maybe it's just that I'm lazy to blog out my thoughts.. I don't even feel like turning on the computer! How amazing! Haha. Maybe because i know if i turned on the computer, i would be in front of it for a long long time.. and i faced the screen for an entire day at work already, i do not need more time in front of my computer. =D

Then again, i think it's better for me to blog this out than i keep all the thoughts inside my small brain and it's grow in size and "poof" explode. Let's do a small survey? Are you someone who will keep your mistakes in your brain and keep harping on them? Sometimes i wonder, how come sometimes we actually take our mistakes so seriously, so much that we actually keep reprimanding ourselves for it. I think it's because we want so much for it to be right - it matters a lot to us. But if we keep thinking about our mistakes, it would actually bring fear to us, and we will actually be more prone to committing the same mistake again. Wouldn't that be worse? I guess it's really up to the individual to train up the mind. How do we achieve the balance between focusing on the thing we are doing, and yet at the same time relax ourselves so that we won't be unhappy? I want to know the answer to that question too..

The mind is a powerful tool - if you have full control of it, then you would be indeed full of power! =D

Questions and Answers

2011-01-12T22:09:00.002+08:00

10.09PM.. Hmm... What a nice time to start the first post of 2011, don't you agree? =D Anyway, I've been very busy since the start of 2011. Many things happened, despite the short 12 days of 2011. It seems as if it has been a super long time.. but it's only 12 days! Omgosh!! =O Anyway, like many others, I've started working, on 4th Jan. My training is ending, and the slacking, as well as boring, period is going to be over soon, hopefully! Thank God! =D and 18th is coming! =D LOL! Hopefully, it'll be better for the days to come. Maybe after some good rest, I'll feel much better! =D Well, actually i wanted to continue blogging, but i guess resting is more important now.. Till next time! =D

Sometimes you feel like it has been so long, but in actual fact, it has just only been a few days.

Relativity of time.

2010-12-31T03:33:00.002+08:00

3.33AM is a nice time to start the post! =D Well, I have been really busy every single day! That's why i haven't been blogging. I didn't really have the time to sit down and think quietly like i always do. But i spent the days smiling and laughing! =D I'm clearing my desktop now (yes after a very long long time.. but yea) I saw a file by the name quotes, and i opened it up seeing this..

It is not living that is important, but living rightly.

How true! =D Hopefully I've been living rightly all this while! =D Anyway, i thought since this is the last day of 2010, and since most probably i may not have the time to sit here and blog before the year is over, i might as well blog the last post on my blog for 2010 now. =D

2010 has been quite an eventful year for me, as usual! =D Haha see it's being eventful now.. Yep! At this time! =D I guess there's one word that's most suitable to describe the year.. "Changes"

Do you like changes? Well, I certainly don't.. when it's drastic changes, for the worse. Haha i think of course everyone likes changes for the better, and sometimes changes are good. I think since no matter what changes will be there all the time. This year for me, has been one filled with countless changes and quite a number of 'first times' (don't anyhow think!) in my life. I shall not go into details, since that will definitely take me a long time and i absolutely don't want to put my entire life up online. But i guess it was really a refreshing experience, with much to learn and much to remember! =D There were many good memories that developed through this year, and i really hope that probably i can think back and remember them in the future! That'll be nice! =D Good stuff, bad stuff.. all mix like rojak! Haha. =D

It's getting late.. or maybe early! Haha. I guess i will have to sleep soon. Seems like this will mark the end of the last post of 2010! I went back to read my blog and realised the past two years I have been saying i am 慢性自杀, but this year, i think i found a better word for it. It's being AWESOME! =D Nothing much to wish for 2011, except that it'll be full of AWESOMENESS! =D =D

Sometimes a smile from someone is better than anything else in the world! =D

Memories =D

2010-12-13T16:53:00.002+08:00

I can't find the thing I need to find! Aiyo.. Never mind! I shall blog now since it has been some time since i blogged properly! It has been an AWESOME two weeks! =D First week i had the aerospace course for the weekdays and i totally love it! =D It was really an experience! =D Haha. And i got interviewed by Straits Times journalist after the diving session on Thursday! Well there's one article on it in the Saturday issue on 4th December, but apparently there wasn't any comments at all from anyone! No choice I guess. Saturday's newspaper's space is expensive! Haha!

After the course was really full fledge crazy days! =D Unbelievable! Even the supposedly rest days at home was full of fun too! =D =D I really really had an AWESOME week! =D Oh and 6th December was supposedly prom night, but I didn't go. There was supposed to be Overseas CIP that i'm supposed to go so i sold my prom night ticket away. Apparently it got cancelled thanks to the eruption of Mt Merapi. So i didn't want to buy back any ticket for prom night. Woah I saw the pictures and really thank God i wasn't there! Almost all the guys were in coats and suits! That's going to be really expensive! I had a wonderful experience outside too even though i wasn't at prom! And it didn't even cost $78, which is the price of the ticket to prom! That's really minimum cost, maximum fun! =D =D Don't get jealous.. Judging by the photos, prom was good too! =D

Oh and really thank you to all those whom i messaged for help! You know who you are! And i know you'll be reading my blog! Thank you! =D And i got a conditional offer from University of Southampton! Really love how efficient their admission office are! =D I'm required to get A for Physics, Math and either Chemistry or Econs, and of course i need the scholarship first before i could go! Hopefully i'll get them! =D Ahh well, i think my body needs some PROPER rest. Haha haven't been giving it good rest. Never mind. Shall go rest again before it starts rebelling! =D and if you've noticed, i think when i'm not so happy (doesn't mean not happy), then i'll be able to blog more. Hope that isn't true! =D Time to sleeeeeep!

You know you've gotten the best reward ever when you see a smile forming on the face! =D

Full of AWESOMENESS! =D =D

2010-11-30T02:03:00.002+08:00

Yay i miss my blog! =D Hmm... where do i start from? Okay. I finished my last paper for the A levels on the 29th.. but strangely, I don't have that "YES! A's is over" feeling. Everything just felt so surreal to me, and in my mind was just how to get to sembawang camp within the limited amount of time. I had a long long day, and i'm extremely exhausted. Actually, the fact i could be typing here now is that i have fallen asleep just now till 12+am and that's why i'm still awake. But even so, i'm getting tired as i type now.

Actually, i don't want to feel like it's over yet.. I'm waiting for 2nd December, 0915 hours, as promised! =D In fact, I didn't get that feeling anyway. It's just going to be another few days of don't feel like doing anything. I'm on a course anyway. It's some Space Academy of Singapore course. I originally thought part of the course would be on aeronautics but seems from the programs that it's actually more focused on aerospace, but i guess it would be nice too! =D So i'm technically still "studying", and waiting for the time to come! =D It's going to be really AWESOME after that! =D =D Alright, i still have to wake up early later. Guess it's time to sleep (again)! =D

A burdened heart that is not free is hard to find happiness. Perhaps some things are better off when you let go! =D

SMILE =D

2010-10-31T03:01:00.006+08:00

Yes yes.. AGAIN! I know. =X But it shall be the last time!! At least until A levels end! =D Garner all the strength and fight all the way till the end! It's the final battle Lord! With the intimidating A levels! But nothing is to be feared, because You'll walk me through it! I know You will! =D Let nothing worry me at all! Grant me Your strength and the discipline and determination, to turn my thoughts into words, and turn my words into actions, so that I may do You proud! =D

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13

This time I will do it! I will not let any single person that believes in me down AGAIN! NO WAY! NO MORE disappointments, NO MORE regrets, NO MORE procrastination, NO MORE late nights! Just GO GO GO! =D =D

Smile everyday like never before! =D For everyday is a brand new day worth living for, and definitely worth your smile! =D

Airport Runway! =D

2010-10-29T02:13:00.004+08:00

Yes yes! This is a much much delayed post! =D I wanted to post this straight after my birthday, but i guess i was too tired so i ended up falling asleep! =X Oh please procrastination, don't EVER come back to haunt me! =X Anyway, i had an AWESOME, MAGNIFICENT, FANTASTIC, GREAT.. BIRTHDAY! =D It's really a GREAT way to celebrate the 18th Birthday! =D

Well it's really a great hiatus from all the work and the A levels and everything else and just let my hair down and enjoy the day! =D Not exactly the entire day actually. I started it off with going to school and do math Paper 1! HAHA! Yes a mock practice on my birthday! =D Well, it wasn't that bad. To think I was late for it but I didn't really bothered and continue to take my time! =P

*edit @ 31st Oct 2010
Woah it's not only delayed, it's super delayed now! =X Too bad there's A levels bothering me. I marked the paper, not a bad mark i guess! =D But procrastination is setting in! Omgosh i think i'm wasting too much time already. Sigh. It's just a little bit more to go! =D Well, my mind is blank now, but all I want to say is get HIGH! =D

It's not about what you do, it's about the company that matters! =D

Foxtrot Lima Yankee! =D

2010-10-14T21:20:00.003+08:00

Haha okay I simply cannot stand it! I'm way way way toooooo (nope, not sad or angry).. HAPPY already! :D Oh yea! I'm super duper high now! :D I'm online to spread the joy and cheer up as many people as I can! Come on! Let's all get high! =D Anyway, to be a spoiler, I seriously think the teachers are going to sing the song from 爱! Like seriously! 我问天! OMGOSH! I wasn't the only one who overheard them practising today i guess! Woah can't wait to see what kind of joke there is during farewell assembly tomorrow! =D

Actually, it's kind of hard to leave AJ after these short two years. Despite the short period of time, I guess this two years are the most eventful years in my life! =D Fun, laughter, and joy! Sadness, emoing, moping around! I guess it's really an emotional upheaval throughout this period. Well, it's not over! Not yet! There's still the big A levels and many more stuff before/after it! 2010's so going to be a blast! =D

It's never too late to try - it all depends on how HARD you try! =D

Live Life Laughing! God bless! =D

2010-10-12T16:00:00.003+08:00

Sleep more, Laugh more, Work more! =D

Okay I don't have much time, to be blogging that is. Anyway, just a little disclaimer. If you chance upon my tagboard and see the little 'conversation' down there, well, it's just someone crapping because she's bored. Haha. As the name goes, youknowwho! :)

Sigh. I'm losing steam. I feel like I'm going out of gas already, especially after today's mass civics. Yes. Principal talk again. The stress level shoots up like mad throughout the talk, and even when I am super tired, I just can't sleep. =X Oh and there's something seriously wrong nowadays. I've been thinking too much, or at least I hope I was, which meant that whatever I'm thinking isn't true at all. But I guess even if it is, there's really nothing I could do, can I? I just don't want things to go back to the start again, where it was all awkward. Silence may not be awkward, but sometimes it shows something. Then it can continue on and on, then agreements may start to vanish on it's own, just like how it did before. Maybe it's really my imagination because I feel insecure (someone tie me up please!). Hope so! =D

I guess at this point in time, I'll need support sometimes. I think probably I'll just smile to myself, looking all so silly. I don't care. That's the only way that can keep me going, so I shall do it - unless you have a way to suggest to me. Drop me a message then, because I really don't know when I'll be back checking my blog. I'm smiling to myself now actually, else those weird thoughts will start haunting me like nobodies' business. Well, solitary is a new way to learn! Shall be a no life mugger from now on! =D I have not much of a life to start with anyway. Haha.

Oh and taken from my facebook status, "Seriously what's wrong these days? Even the chocolate milk i just drank for lunch turned SOUR and tasted as if it had been left to decompose for months. To add on, it was stored in the refrigerator all the while till it was JUST opened, and had a EXPIRY DATE of 25th OCTOBER! =.=" Nice milk huh. And i sort of fainted this morning during GP when greeting the teacher. He didn't even know, except Jun Jie, because apparently I was grabbing onto him to prevent myself from collapsing to the ground (and spoiling the floor). I don't care actually, because I don't really see a need to. Do I need to care? Self torture. -.- Lols! God bless! =D

Sometimes I wish I can safely apply the Ceteris Paribus assumption on some things that seemed so uncertain.

Demand-pull inflation stress

2010-10-10T21:53:00.006+08:00

Seriously, what's this world coming to? I don't know, and I don't have an answer.

Anyway, I don't know what's wrong with me. Awhile ago, I was calculating the hours left (never mind what hours), and I suddenly got very very stressed up. There's something seriously very very wrong with me, and I don't know exactly what is it. I can only guess here and there, but it's getting really irritating for me. Why have I become so dependent? What happened to the old me? I don't know. Vanished into thin air after that long saga? Sigh.

I don't like this period. Smiles are vanishing from faces that I would think it's the last place it would vanish from. But it seems like I'm wrong. It's getting increasingly disturbing that everyone around you have faces turning from =D to :) to :| or even :( or T_T . It just don't feel good seeing all these changes around you but you cannot do a single thing to salvage that very smile that used to cheer you up whenever you looked really down and sad. I really really want those radiant smiles to be back! Can't we just smile and face A levels instead of going towards it saying, "I'm going to die.. I'm so going to die!"? Die die die.. Why not ask those thoughts to go die? Lols! God bless! =D

I want to SMILE, and i want to see SMILES around me, much more than anything else in the world! =D

SMILE! =D

*edit @ 10.59PM
Then again, why can't i be the smile ambassador? =D For fun, laughter and joy! =D

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

2010-10-09T21:52:00.002+08:00

I'm back again! =D Haha. I'm officially back to normal as of now, and will try my very best not to fall (double meaning) again! =D I guess I really don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I will understand some day. The time now should be used more efficiently by sorting out all my stuff and start having a organised schedule on my revision. It's like coming in one month!

Hmm... Somehow some things tends to happen when I really want to do something. Should I really exclude myself from the computer? Oh by the way, if anyone knows what I'm talking about, don't worry, it's not your fault. I can make my own choice and I choose to stay, and it feels good to be able to help too! Jiayou! =D

Sometimes we may not be in the exact situation where we want to be, but we will always have the choice to make whatever situation the best it can be for us. =D

YEP! =D

2010-10-08T23:41:00.002+08:00

The feeling of guilt is really tormenting - absolutely, totally tormenting. Actually, I can't seem to blame anyone right? Sigh. Oh and I don't know what's wrong with me recently. Firstly, I fell and scratch myself. Secondly, I got a strong headache. Thirdly, I vomited yesterday due to gastric flu. I shall not go into details. If you had a little common sense, you would know that didn't assuage my pain - it intensified it. Oh well, it's okay. I won't fall so easily.

Oh and I realised I forgot to blog about something yesterday. I was too exhausted yesterday and I fell asleep. When I woke up, the headache + the gastric flu totally overwhelmed me, and I apparently wasn't in the right mind to blog. Anyway, I'm sure the word "EMO" isn't a foreign word to many. But what really is emoing?

Well I opine that there's two kinds of emoing - the controlled kind, and the uncontrollable kind. They pretty much explain themselves actually. Haha why does this sounds so much like a GP essay? Maybe I've been having too many timed practices till I become insane already. But anyway, I think I prefer the controlled kind of emoing. It really does help in settling myself down, though it's very easy to just cross over to the uncontrolled kind. I guess till this point, maybe you think that I am talking rubbish. Well, perhaps I am. I'm mad. Really.

The worse you can feel, is when you don't feel anything at all.

Pro^2crastinator kills! Hate it.

2010-10-07T16:23:00.002+08:00

"I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why"

This song kept, for some unknown reason, ringing in my brain today. Of course it's just not this two lines, but it's the whole stanza. It's just that i happen to forget the lyrics that's all. I actually forgot the title of the song too, and i found out. It's The Show by Lenka.

It's such a cheerful song, but it didn't match my mood today - totally the other way round. I don't understand. I really don't. There's just too many things to understand in this world, that one is not able to fully fathom everything. Haiz. I think maybe I'm just too tired and stressed up. The only thing that can really make me smile now is that baby. Don't ask me what baby. I didn't think it would work too, until i got a feeling it would when i was near, and it did, for a moment. Maybe i should go back and stare at it. Sigh. Oh and it's not that I don't feel it. It's just, nobody knows what I've felt before..

Oscar Lima India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform because you can make me smile when nobody else can.

I HATE MSN!

2010-10-03T17:09:00.001+08:00

Ever wonder how your own thoughts can influence your own thoughts? What you believe will actually influenced you to think in a certain way i guess, and from then onwards, even if you tried to bring yourself away from it, i guess it won't be easy. It's just like a vicious cycle that goes on and on. I think that's the power of your own thoughts. So start forgiving people and thinking positive! I guess that will make your everyday much much happier! =D

I think i got the sleeping bug on me again. I feel like sleeping almost all the time, even after sleeping a lot. I guess that's the after effects of sleeping too much. I really need to regain control of my brain, else i would be wasting time away, binging on junk sleep. Haha don't that sound familiar to the J2s of AJ? :P Anyway, i really do agree that idling too much will make your thoughts run wild on those nonsensical stuff, and the worse of all, it creates a domino effect that send you spiraling downhill. Scary? Then why start hitting down the first domino? Haha. Let's start thinking positive from now onwards. Look forward to everyday! =D

One of the greatest things to do is to transfer your wonderful thoughts into actions. For thoughts can be forgotten easily, actions will never fail to carve a memory. =D

Combination of the 3 departments! :P

2010-10-02T11:51:00.003+08:00

Woah it's early Saturday morning! Looks like the song below worked! Haha. Actually i haven't set my alarm to be that yet. Lazy. Yes. Again. :P It's been a long time since you see the 'AM' before my time of posting, of course excluding those 3AM or 4AM kind of post. That's not exactly morning right? Haha.

Okay. Prelims are over already and we got most of our results back. Don't ask me what i got, because it has to be bad. I mean, it IS bad. But it won't stay bad for long. I'm not going to let the grades i get now appear on my A levels certificate! No way! It seems like i have to start practising more, and on the note that my language have been decreasing at a rapid rate, i shall blog in much better language, well that is if i can do it. My teachers all have high hopes on me, so i don't really want to disappoint them again. I must make true their predictions! :D

I'm starting to love math more and more again. Haha. Currently, i'm addicted to doing A levels Math Papers, which are comparatively so much easier than the AJ Prelim 2010. Then again, i think i should try the Prelim Papers again, on a clearer mind that is, so i won't really minus 20 marks per paper thanks to negative signs and squares again! -.- I think i shall share my affection with the rest too, namely Physics, Chemistry, Economics and yes i didn't forget again, GP! I really really want to get A for all, at least that i won't disappoint the hopes of the teachers as well as myself and of course, ya. :P Oh and i have another goal to work towards actually, and i shall start to sleep early! Wow that's a lot of changes to be made. I hope they are complementary so i will be able to do it! Jiayou to myself! =D

Oh and to any J1s reading my blog, especially those from AJ, jiayou for your Promos next week! AJ likes to set hard paper that diminish any confidence left in you, but if you believe you can't do it after studying so much, then you really cannot do it. But if you have the confidence in yourself and you have been consistently studying, unlike how i was last year, you definitely WILL be able to pass. All the best! =D

Don't wish people good luck for their exams; wish them all the best instead. Because when you wish them good luck you mean to say that if they do well is a matter of luck and not by their own effort.

Jiayou! =D

2010-09-27T23:09:00.003+08:00

Note to self: Control! Stop hovering around here!

I'm back again! Yay! =D To think i almost hit my lowest just this afternoon after the harsh cruel fact dawned on me.. It's just simply amazing! Thank God! =D

Haha. Feel so good to be back alive again. At least i know i won't be wasting any more time feeling like an idiot or acting as if i'm okay - when i know i'm obviously not okay. It's one day down and 3 subjects back already. 2 more to go! Is there any hope or not? I don't really know, but i'll definitely try my best to receive all the blows and then counter it! =D

I think it's kind of strange. Whenever i'm emo/sad, i think i'll have much more to post then when i'm in a good mood. I think maybe it's because my mind tends to think a lot when i'm down, but goes the other way round when i'm happy. So does that means i don't use my brains when i'm happy? Probably. Haha. Got to go! =D

There's no use avoiding the problem. The only way to stop it from bothering you is to face it and then find ways to overcome it! =D

早知今日, 何必当初?!

2010-09-26T23:56:00.001+08:00

Is it me or is the weather extraordinary hot? I'm just sitting here in my living room typing and i'm sweating as if i'm running my 2.4km run right now. Maybe it's just stress? I have no idea.

I thought i have already started to walk out of the trauma, but i guess i'm still lingering around the tunnel, not towards the light. No i am not angry; in what way do i sound like i am? Haha. I guess i'm really just very disappointed. But it's no use being disappointed right? Nothing will change for now, unless i wake up and walk out of this. Yes! That's it! Get out of this tunnel like right now! Wake up!

Maybe i will consider setting the chorus part of this song as my alarm tone, then i shall see whether i really will wake up or not. My bio-clock is screwed up once again. My body doesn't know what time to sleep, and i'm not controlling it well either. It's now 1.27am in the morning and i'm still sitting here, so you know what i mean. Sigh. And i'm getting old and weak already. My body can't stand how i am torturing it so it's reacting negatively. And of course mentally thanks to the scar left behind my someone, it's not helping but dragging me down instead. I need to walk out of this. Really. If not my dreams and everything will be reduced to nothing. Work hard! =D As i fumble through some stuff, i'm really scared. What if i really don't make it? :(

Only in the darkness, the light shines the brightest. And it will guide you out of it.

Hotel Echo Lima Papa

2010-09-26T03:33:00.002+08:00

What does a comedian do? Cheer people up? Make people smile? But wait.. Have you ever wondered what happens when a comedian is sad? Who will make him/her smile?

I wanted to blog on Friday, but i lost my mind and ended up clicking aimlessly on the internet. I wasn't even clicking on links, i was just clicking on one tab to another and back and forth. My mind was in a mess. The combination of 2 such innocent words, 'what' and 'if', will give you 'what if' and starts a thousand questions in your mind, just like how it did to mine. My mind was all burnt up, just like how my dad's laptop charger did. Saturday was worse. I did not even feel like waking up. All i did was to wake up, see the time, close my eyes and go back to sleep. I was dreaming all the way and waking up countless times, which explains why I am having a headache now. Somehow that is the reason why i am still not able to sleep now despite my eyes being exhausted thanks to the dreams.

I'm not dead, not yet. I'm just quite disappointed with myself. I think i just put myself in a very bad situation for now, but i guess it's no use lamenting at my cruel fate now. I guess i will have to move on. There's no one around me close enough for me to really rant out to, since a lot of people were affected this time round. Well, it's not an epidemic, it's just.. you should be able to guess. Haha. I don't want to bother them anymore i guess, so my blog is still a good option. Oh on a side note, i do blog with the thought that there are people reading my posts, so i won't find it weird if you happen to know what's going on with me. Anyway, it's time to brace myself up for the coming week. It's not going to be easy i guess to survive the week. I need today to prepare myself for it, and then, face it! What's past is past. Now, look ahead. Remember i'm on a road with no U-turns. Too bad if i missed a turn..

Ah yes! I can feel myself coming back now. Somehow, my soul seems to be taking a vacation somewhere since Friday. Welcome back! :) It's like 4.21am now, and i can hear crows making noise. No i don't live in Jurong Bird Park - the bird asylum maybe. :P Oh by the way, i'm hungry now! AGAIN! Even i cook maggie mee to eat like at around 1+ i think? Never mind. I shall just go sleep. Good morning! :D

If you let an opportunity slip by you, there's no use going back to look for it. It won't be there anymore. Continue ahead and open your eyes wide to look for another one. :)

I miss my piano! =D

2010-09-06T18:10:00.003+08:00

I don't like this feeling. My body seems so tired even after getting more sleep then usual. But then again my usual is like 3 hours? Haha. I guess it's really exhausted from all that abusing. =X If i ever can find the time, i will definitely treat it better! Question is when?

Anyway, i got a thought while watching TV yesterday. Yes, i know.. This is why i'm so in need of time! =X Back to the story. I was thinking of how the decisions someone made affect those people around him. Actually, how do you actually determined what kind of decision is right, and what is wrong? There's just no definite answer. But very often, we make our decisions from this selfish point of view. It's not that we're intentionally being selfish sometimes, but it's just that we're so used to be thinking for ourselves and what we want already. Well, as the saying goes, "人不为己, 天诛地灭". We often made decisions based on what we think it's right, but how often to we try to understand what the person/people affected by your decision actually thinks is right? It's all about "me, myself and I". But these decisions were sometime made with the cliche phrase, "for your own good". Sometimes we sound as if we know what is good and what is bad, but why do we make wrong decisions sometimes then? Nobody is perfect.

Actually, this is only made even obvious when authority comes into the picture. Often we see parents deciding for their children, claiming that they do not know what is best for them. But do they know themselves? Most would say yes. Study and get good results. Be the first in this, be the first in that. Don't all these sound very familiar? But i guess it's true to a certain extent. Parents provide the discipline that everyone in the world (including themselves) needs in order to perform. Self discipline is not always available. In fact, it's getting increasingly rare. Ain't i a perfect example of that? Haha. I guess ultimately, a good balance is still what i think will be the best. =D

Woah it's been a long time since i actually typed out my thoughts like this. Haha. I wish i could convert that into a GP essay. Sorry. Too stressed over the upcoming prelims and A levels already. I have to admit that i am stress, even though i don't really feel it sometimes. I've got 2 messages telling me i looked stress already, which never ever happened before. Guess when they say JC is the most stressful period of your study life, it would be true. Well, it's just a few more months to go! Strangely though, i don't really want it to end, for some reason. But on the other hand, i can't wait for it to end! Haha.

There's just so many things i want to talk about now huh. This post is getting really long. If you're reading this, i have a question for you. Don't you think it's really cool to know someone that has so many things similar to you? I guess that's when communication moves from just talking, to understanding. That's the best result you can get, isn't it? :) Alright time to clear some hours!

We often seek to feel happy and feel loved. But what we're forgetting is that we can only feel happy and loved when sadness and judgement exist! :)

Balance.

2010-09-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

My life went through a major change today! =D At this point of time, i shall not say what it is, but time will tell. Hope that it'll all turn out fine! :D

Anyway, i went for CIP today! I think i'm one of the rare few J2s that are still active in doing CIP, even though prelims is like in a week's time. But helping the community is anytime, anywhere okay? :) Anyway, i shall not elaborate on what we do during the CIP, but it was quite a nostalgic experience! Quite enjoyable too actually, of course except for the waiting times that can get a little dry at times, but it still can turn out enjoyable.

Well, guess i cannot think of anything else now as i'm really tired. Prelims is coming in a week, and i believe that i will definitely try my best and do myself proud! It will be the first time, but definitely not the last time! Oh and i finally submitted my NYAA Gold! Yay! Time to sleep! :)

Live your life to the fullest - till you don't have to regret not doing this or that later!

Saved! :D

2010-08-31T18:00:00.001+08:00

I think i forgot to mention I had my first ever First Aid experience last Saturday when my certification is about to expire! Haha. I was certified as a First Aider in Nov 2008 when i went for the 56th NCC Cadet Officer Course. I know not many people knew about this. The certification expires every 2 years, so mine is expiring soon. I guess it's a good system since i also almost forgotten a lot of the first aid knowledge.

Anyway, what happen was that i was playing basketball with a group of people. A small kid was around the area and would always run to help us pick up the ball. But he slipped and fell once while picking the ball. He had quite a deep cut, which fortunately, didn't hit his bone. I shall not go into the exact story of what i did, but i was really trying hard to recall what i have learnt. Fortunately i did the right stuff and that Primary 2 boy's wound stopped bleeding and before long he can run! Lols. That guy really brave - not only he didn't cry when the wound is like so deep, he actually can run after that! Haha.

Tomorrow's teacher's day! Though i doubt any teacher would chance upon my blog and actually read it, but Happy Teacher's Day to all teachers out there! =D For once there wasn't any lessons in AJ today. I went back to Catholic High along with Desmond and the rest, and finally ate that beef noodles that we missed so much! Haha. AJ's canteen is nothing like Catholic High's one! Oh and we met quite a lot of teachers too. I go back sometimes, but i don't see them normally. Maybe because they're always in the staff room busy with their work. Wonderful memories. :)

Oh and blogger has this new feature. I just realised it today. It actually shows the statistics of your blog - traffic sources, audiences and so on. It's quite amazing to see i have audiences from Australia, United States, Luxembourg, China, Russia, Canada, Malaysia, Taiwan and Ukraine! Lols! Where do this people come from? I wonder. Maybe it's just random clicks that end up at my blog! Haha. Strangely, my tagboard is still quite deserted. Oh and there's actually silent people who still reads my blog post! It's great to know that! :) Well, it's a holiday, so it's time to catch up with work! Till next time! :)

There is an unlimited supply of changes in each and everyone of our lives, but it is how we change ourselves to adapt to it that is important. =D

Amazed =D

2010-08-29T15:38:00.005+08:00

This post is done slightly late. I actually wanted to post this yesterday, but was a little too tired and wanted to sleep earlier. Anyway, the euphoria in me died down already, so i may forgot some of the stuff i wanted to blog about, especially after sleeping so much this morning! =X

I realised i have been feeling quite happy recently, which is a good sign! The optimistic, happy-go-lucky guy is back? Haha. I actually don't really realise that he's gone. Actually, did he go in the first place? I don't know! I think the most important thing is that i am happy now, and i hope this will continue all the way! :)

Well, things start to end one by one as i start to prepare for the upcoming battles against examiners. By how much i won them, they will have to award me with grades, and then my rank points will rise together with them. Sounds so much like a game huh? That's what i see it as - a challenge that i only have one option - to win! Haha. That's how i motivate myself, along with a secret plan. Credit goes to the creator of this plan though, and i'm making good use of it! =D

Back to what happened yesterday. Started off with travelling from places to places and studying for like 2 hours. After that it was the last session of CDAC for me, at least till the end of this year. First it was piano that ended, and now it's CDAC. I guess before long, it'll be full fledged mugging spree already. What to do? Guess i'll have to look on the bright side! =D Then it was badminton! Yay! Haven't played for a long long time already, so was quite enjoying it! =D I took some pictures of the sunset as well as the shipyard! Always love the lights from the shipyard when it's dark. =D But that doesn't mean i don't like the lights of airports! I guess i only like things when the sky's dark? HAHA! An OWL indeed! =D I really love yesterday a lot! Super relaxing day in the midst of all the preparations for the battles. =D

I really cherish things like this, especially knowing that the time i can spent on stuff like this is going to dwindle until i complete my A levels. Who says you need to have a super duper exciting event to make you really happy? Sometimes little things like this are enough already. =D Well, i guess this poor JC 2 guy has to go and settle his stuff already. Till next time! =D

When your life is going at an incredibly high speed, slow down your pace and perhaps you will catch something worth your attention. =D

Exhilarated =D

2010-08-21T11:17:00.006+08:00

I'm enjoying myself today! =D Haha i'm sitting down at some random playground somewhere enjoying the peace and blogging! How nice is that?! It may not seem nice to you though, but trust me, after all the stress in school, it's nice to sit down somewhere to just relax. :) I'm listening to 88.3FM now and they're playing retro songs. They sound so familiar! Yea i know i sounded old this way, but i'm an OLD UNCLE what! :P It's not just retro songs, so it's a good mixture. :)

It seems like i'm in a relatively good mood today. That's good! It proves that my plan is working! Hope it stays this way throughout the day, though i already feel a little worn out because i only slept at like 3 plus am in the morning, and i got up like 7 plus. For once i woke up so early! Haha. I don't have a choice. Prelims are coming in less than a month, and my revision is no where near done. No more owling already. I can't afford to waste time owling at night and then feeling sleepy in the morning - i won't get things done this way. Shall hope I can do it! :)

*edited at 11.11pm

Haha my phone cannot type too many words. It ends at the previous paragraph. But actually, i can't think of anything else to write, especially my brain is like quite dead now because my stomach ain't cooperating. I'm feeling a little dizzy here and there, but strangely, it doesn't really come when i use the computer! Lols! Guess that's it. One more day of weekend only! AHH!

Life can be made much more interesting just by adding a little spice to your normal day! :)

Take care! :D

2010-08-16T19:20:00.003+08:00

HAHA i'm happy all the way today since yesterday night! :D Perhaps it's partially due to the reason that i didn't go to school today, which relieve some stress off me for a moment. I went for my aeromedical checkup today for RSAF, and it went pretty fine i guess! I was especially satisfied with my eyes since i was told i got 6/5, which means what a normal person could see in 5 meters, i could see in 6 meters! According to some unknown source, i'm one of the lucky 10% of the population to have that! I really really love my eyes! :D And i don't get why they only draw blood from your left arm? I have quite a few holes there already. Haha.

Oh and i guess with every sense of happiness i got, i always have this down moment after it. It's coming already, but at least this time i'm getting worried about my work, so i guess at least it's sort of a good thing? I can even procrastinate my blogging. Well done huh! Take a look at the time i clicked on the new post, and you would see 7.20PM. Guess what's the time now? 1.25AM. I wasted 6 hours already when my initial plan was to start work right after i blogged. See what i mean? -.- I really don't know whether i will do it in the end. But i guess, it's only make it, or break it. Of course, i sincerely do hope is the former. Where's my motivation, dedication and determination?

Most of the time it's the little things in life that makes you really happy. If it doesn't, it's time to learn to be a little more appreciative.

Battle.

2010-08-09T23:38:00.007+08:00

Happy National Day! :D

Well i got my rest, although my sick body demands for more. Now what? I seriously need a bottle of insecticide - one that is strong enough to kill both the flu bug and the lazy bug in me. I'm waiting for the chance to check more boxes on the right, but it seems like it's going to be tough, as usual. My mind has difficulty concentrating, even as i am typing this blog post. I think i would refer to my state now as the 'stoning mode', where i'm practically just dazing away, many thanks to the flu bug. -.-

Every morning i wake up feeling all better, and thinking that finally the flu bug is going to disappear. However, as the day goes on, it starts coming back to haunt me again. I feel like i'm on a drowsy medicine the whole day, even though i never took any medicine. I just don't want to go sleep and while my time away, not that staying awake is making me anymore productive, but still.. I just want to make myself more productive - like improve my PPC/LRAS if you get what i mean. I need to stop finding excuses for myself, stop blaming the computer, stop blaming stuff that doesn't even breathe to tempt me... It's all my own fault. And of course most importantly, I got to stop regretting. Time to wake up, before it's all too late. Prelims is coming already. No use getting stress with no actions. Sigh.

Effort may not always equals to results, but it is definitely part of the equation. What's left is to find out what is exactly missing that will make the equation valid.

Whiskey
Alpha
Kilo
Echo

Uniform
Papa

2010-08-07T10:14:00.002+08:00

Oh great! My fever is gone, for the moment! :) It's too early to say it's gone forever, although how i wish it was the case, because the virus still lingers around my body - I can feel it. What a way to celebrate national day! Haha. I've slept for like more than 12 hours, but the virus still stays strong. Somehow it feels like a war in my body, after watching SALT yesterday. :P How nice could it be if i can go into my body and personally lead the battle against the virus? Haha.

Oh crap! I feel like playing metal gear solid again. It's something similar to SALT. But i don't think i got the time to do so. Adding on to the fact i need lots of rest now for my body to win the war. I guess i shall just go sleep again after a hot shower. Good night people! :)

When all things goes wrong, do not back down.. Stand back up and fight! :)

Drained.

2010-08-05T23:49:00.004+08:00

I've passed my pilot selection interview!! :D Yay! :D Haha. I've been waiting for it for so long, but somehow i just can't get high for it. I think it's probably because of the flu i am having, plus the cough; it's really horrible! :( But then again, i'm still happy that i finally cleared my first hurdle to become a RSAF pilot! Shall work hard from now on to my remaining goals! Shall check the box one by one! :D

Oh and what's with the recent weather? Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold. I think that's the perfect way to spread the influenza virus. I got it already, thanks to the serious lack of rest for my body. Poor body. Finally it will get some rest over this 'long' weekend. :) And i shall dedicate a song to this weather now! Can you guess what song?

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry! :) Haha. I can't embed the original MV with the starting, so this one with the song only would do. Enjoy! :)

No matter how strong anyone can be, we will still need someone to care about us, to show his or her concern for us.

Motivated. :)

2010-08-02T23:49:00.001+08:00

Is it me or is the weather recently suffering from mood swing? Or rather... weather swing? Lols. One moment it feels as though Singapore finally have some 'natural aircon', and the next moment, it gets back to the hot and stuffy days again. Interesting comment from our guest in AJC today - the Japanese guy said he feel that Singapore weather is quite cold - well i'm pretty sure he'll change his mind soon. :P

Oh good! I finally sounded more cheerful on my blog! :) I really don't want my blog to turn out into some random emo blog that serves its purpose for me to rant only. But the sad fact is that i'm only sounding so cheerful because my mind is practically almost in 'hibernation mode'. I never imagined how stress can change me in this way - last time i don't even feel much stress at all. I guess i can only throw all the blame to stress, else it would be really scary that i permanently changed to become this way. Those who know me well would have spot the change in me already, and for those who don't, too bad! :P It ain't a good thing anyway. :)

I guess good things can't stay for long recently. -.- Shall not talk about it. My body is taking it's toll on me already. I'm getting weaker as the days go by, or rather maybe the late nights go by. I used to be able to survive for quite some time, but i guess it's the amount of stress and 'workload' i gave to my body that shorten the 'working hours' of it. I guess if i ever have the chance, i would give it a proper rest. :) Dear body, you've worked really hard... Thanks a lot! :) And my mood's back up again! Strange huh! It's only like that when i'm super tired, though it can go to the same extent in the negative way. Thankfully today ain't that day. :) Well, seems like there's a lot of :) in this post, which is a good sign! Haha. Time for work!

The strongest enemies we often have to face is not anyone else around you - it is actually you yourself.

Fighting on.

2010-08-02T04:36:00.002+08:00

It's 4+ in the morning and i am still not sleeping. I just can't get to sleep. There's just too many things bothering me already, adding to the fact that i was rather affected by something i read a few hours ago. I realised my post has been all negative posts since June, so perhaps i shall try to make this less negative.

Someone wanted to sit on the plane i'll be flying (i hope) in the future. I think if i never remember wrongly, there's more than one who said that. But i wonder, when the time really comes, who will still come on board my plane? Well i actually wanted to link this to something, but i guess my mind is getting kind of dead, and i'm very very tired. Guess that's it. No, this is it! :P

We often regret our decisions, but what makes you think that the other way will bring better results?

Stressed.

2010-07-23T01:34:00.002+08:00

I thought it had somehow disappeared... but how come i feel it right now again?! It's again something to do with the number 3. Coincidence? I had enough of guessing. :( Problems, problems, problems... Stress, stress, and more stress! -.- Run and run away from everything. Ahh my mind is crazy... I don't even know what i am thinking. How come i feel like i'm writing a poem? A negative one though.

The time continues to tick, while i continue to waste it. I'm getting more and more blur lately. I guess the severe lack of sleep over a long period of time has taken it's toll on me. But there's forever so many things to do, but as soon as i reached home, i won't do anything. :( The severe lack of sleep plus the stress has another effect on me this time, my mood, as well as my personality. I noticed the change in myself. I realised i'm much more impatient now as compared to before, and i am definitely much, much, very much more restless! I need rest. Sigh.

Sometimes when we really think hard enough, we seemed like we don't even know what we really want.

Rojak.

2010-07-19T00:21:00.003+08:00

Who is there to believe in me when the rest of the world don't?

Many many things happened recently. My life seems to be in a total chaos, but it still appeared so fine on the outside. That's the power of illusion. I'm tired of all these. The hatred seems to grow. I don't even bear grudges for long last time. -.- I'm starting to experience things i have never experienced before. How will it all turn out? I don't know. Sigh.

I feel that i am turning weaker and weaker. I have no idea what is the exact reason - perhaps it is what happened on and off throughout last year. I don't know. I really don't know things anymore. Why am i like this? Seems like i really need to work very very hard to get back to my original state. But what's my original state? Lol. I'm in a state of confusion. Think i need some sleep. And my interview is coming this Thursday! Great... -.-

Sometimes when things get really complicated, you just wish they could be much simpler. The sad fact is that they can't be.

Dried eyes.

2010-07-15T01:14:00.002+08:00

What's happening now? When i choose to ignore myself and then i realise that i am right again? Isn't this too much of a coincidence? I mean luckily i didn't make any rash decisions yet. But what about the instances in school? I don't know. Like seriously, how did things ever turn into this state? Sian. -.-

Oh and my i've been trying hard to control my brain lately - success to a little extent only. Apparently, i wanted to blog a few times, but thanks to the internet that suddenly rebelled, or my mood, i didn't. That's a classic example already. And the fact that i keep wasting and wasting time despite the short amount of time left to so many deadlines, it can be seen clearly how this is not working out. Too bad. I can only try harder. There's no other way out, is there? No pain, no gain. I would definitely rather experience the pain now than to regret not trying harder later. But is there time? :(

I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to slack, and slack, and slack. Since when i became so lazy? I have no idea too. Perhaps it's after all the 'tortures'? Lols. Great. I'm so sleepy now even though i slept quite a while just now. How am i going to survive like that? Haiis. Interview, interview, interview!! =X

Sometimes when too many things are in actively in your mind, it will just "poof" and go blank, just like when there's too many power plugs on a socket, the circuit breaker will trip.

Blank mind.

2010-07-09T01:39:00.002+08:00

The only thing that stays constant in life is change.

I have not blogged for quite a while and i decided i should start with something of impact, that pretty much summarises what happened in my life lately - changes and more changes. As much as i pretty much hate changes ever since some great deal of stuff happened to me, i couldn't really do anything much to stop them from happening, can i? Things are changing like every single day now, and i obviously don't enjoy it. It's too unpredictable already. I know changes are something that are not able to be avoided, but some things change too fast now? Adding on to it, they change constantly. Win. -.- Once again it affected me of course - it is just that i always choose to pretend i'm alright. What else can i do? People are too busy to care. >.<

I seriously don't know what to expect now. I mean i can jolly well just don't care anything and just focus on work (which is hardly possible), but then occasionally i get positive replies that seemed as though nothing happen - for a while and then they would stop. I can be objective when i stand as a third party helping people solve their problems, but as for my own, it's just total chaos. I can't, for heaven's sake, guess what is going on just from the "Hot and Cold" replies i get! I mean, it's just like what happened last year, all over again! This time though, it's at a much closer proximity, which obviously, leaves no room for escape. Great! :( I really need a breather. :(

On a side note, i finally got my interview slot for pilot vocation with the RSAF! :) This meant that i passed my COMPASS test that i took last year! Phew! And i thought i was a goner after finishing the test. It's on 22nd July though! Crap! I didn't expect it to come so suddenly. I just got a call today and they just informed me. I have two weeks to prepare, and i really really do not want to screw this up. =X There's just so many disappointments i have since last year that i really DO NOT want to face another one. I have too many regrets already, and i don't want to spend the rest of my life living with lots of regrets! :( At least this is something which i can control to a certain extent.

And yes, i am finally feeling the stress of things. With so many things to catch up on before prelims, i apparently have not much time left! Things are simply in chaos now and i just keep losing faith that i can make it. Where did my confidence all go to? The worse thing is, this stress is only keeping me awake now, and make me stay here and waste even more time when i should be either sleeping or frantically trying to complete much of my undone work. =X I am getting slacker and slacker by the day - more and more of the "don't care" feeling. Am i getting used to it? Hope not. Come on. Screw the NATO (No Action Talk Only) way of doing things! Else at this rate, i'll never even get a proper place in NTU, much less think about Imperial College. -.- Good luck to me! :)

Once in a while i still will try to comprehend this. Why do people try their very best to go against what their heart really wants?

口是心非. Controlling the brain.

2010-06-23T05:18:00.002+08:00

It's not everyday you get a question asking "How are you?" I totally appreciate the concern. Thanks! :) I've been really crazy this days, doing all kinds of weird stuff. I had an enlightenment while showering just now before Argentina's match, but apparently i have forgotten about it! Crap! Recently stuff gets into my short term memory rather than long term, and i have no idea why... The crazy weather perhaps? -.-

Oh the dormant volcano has erupted once again. This time it's a serious one, despite being less obvious - even i was almost fooled. Perhaps the disguise is getting better as the years passed, and that's why it was so well covered up. I think that was the reason of the recent incidents, and probably this is what i thought of when i was showering. :) Haha. I wonder does anyone understands this paragraph at all? I purposely made it like this. It would be interesting if anyone could understand what my mind is thinking now as i type this paragraph. :P

Anyway, this June holidays have so many things as distractions. There's just so many things going on! Adding to the fact the World Cup is here, and the ever great distraction - my laptop! There's just so many things you can do on the internet that can distract me, for a very very long time. -.- I guess i would really need to get back in control and not let my mind control itself. Been letting my heart and mind go free for so long that i'm so not used to being controlled (since when i was?). Well, i have to control myself anyway if i ever want to achieve my target of getting AT LEAST straight Cs for mid years. All the best man! :) Now back to reality... there's so many things undone... -.- Large inertia guy... it's time for work! And now i'm getting sleepy... Crap. >.<

I couldn't comprehend why does people like to put up a strong front but end up hurting themselves. Things would be much simpler if they didn't force themselves put up a strong front.

Simplicity rocks! :)

2010-06-18T04:21:00.003+08:00

It's 4 plus in the morning and i'm not sleeping again. -.- I came across this super familiar song that some AJ event seemed to have used it before. Was it dance that used it? o.O I don't know. I like the lyrics though, and the MV of course. I added it to my playlist, but as usual, it takes sometime before it will appear. I purposely chose one with the English subtitles so that you all can figure out the meaning of the lyrics as well. The chorus seemed like it's saying something... Enjoy! :)

Seems like i'm ready to make the decision, or am i? o.O

Why does it turn out this way? What did i do wrongly to deserve this? Haven't i tried to salvage it? No... It's getting deeper and deeper. You've decided. You don't want anything. You don't care anything. What about me?! Are your words just words? When i didn't feel like doing anything at all, where were you? When i was real troubled that you might not be feeling alright and worried sick, what were you doing? When you leave, do you even say bye? What does your words mean? Are they only just words? You said we're still close, so there's really nothing to emo about. Are we still close? Are you treating me like before? I tried. Did you? My heart sinks each time i thought about you... The feeling is terrible. You don't seemed like you care, not at all! What are you trying to hide? What are you trying to run away from? Why does everyone choose to run away on their own and leave me behind? WHY WHY WHY?!

Enough... This sleep is not going to be a good sleep again. I wonder how will i do for my mid year common test. Straight Cs? Fat hope. Good morning!

Everybody knows how to come up with words. But they do not really mean anything much unless they come with actions.

Nobody understands anything...

2010-06-17T04:19:00.006+08:00

Can u get used to being alone? o.O

Been wondering about many stuff lately. I realised i have a lot of things compounded in me, and this time, it's all released. But the blast is too much for any specific person to take, at this point of time really. Back to being an owl, awake at this point of time. I'm dead beat, but i just can't get to sleep. My eyes are open wide, staring at the computer screen. My stomach's upset (literally); it's protesting by giving me frequent diarrheas and even felt like vomiting just now. I didn't plan to tell this to anyone - only if you read this then you would know - as i didn't want to be seen as seeking attention. I'm not getting any anyway.

I miss the good old days. Everyone starts to miss their secondary school when they get into JC. Is JC really that bad? o.O For me, it isn't really because of JC, it's more of the people that revolves around me when year 2009 started. To be fair, not every single person revolving around me makes me feel like going back to the past. In fact, some of them are the very reason why i'm still walking down this path! But i'm feeling less and less secure as i continue. I began to drag each step that i took. Now where's the sanguine guy? He's worn out.

On a side note, this video cheered me up. You're in for a good laugh at the last part! :D But don't skip directly to the last part! :)

Well it's going to 6am now. Good morning everyone! :D

There are ups and downs in life, but i don't enjoy extreme ups and downs.

Roller coaster ride

2010-06-16T18:31:00.001+08:00

I never imagined that things would turn out this way... This morning, when i first opened my eyes, i didn't feel like getting up immediately. I just felt like sleeping back again and again when i open my eyes for numerous times. The feeling of giving up hope on myself comes back to haunt me yet again. I just don't feel the motivation to get up. Things like, "what for get up?", appeared in my mind. I realize i have yet again drop down to a self degrading state.

I fell asleep while typing this, and it shows how tired i am the whole day. I just feel super duper lethargic, and unmotivated to do anything at all. I wasted a day, in fact, these few days. Haiis. What happened to me? Where's the spirit in me? Lost...

The heart and the mind needs to work together. Otherwise, you'll be forced to make a decision.

Trapped

2010-06-12T05:01:00.003+08:00

5am in the morning and i ain't sleeping! I just couldn't get to sleep! -.- What's with so many blog posts now huh? o.O Anyway, there's a post below, so do read! :)

Ever wondered how do arguments happen? o.O and after they do happen, what ever happens next? Who will be the one that always gives in? Do these questions ever crossed your mind? Perhaps the one giving in treasures the other party more, and hence gave in in order to prevent things from getting sour. But what if you're always the one giving in? Does that means that no one really cares about your existence? Maybe... Maybe not just as important.

This time round, i am going to be stubborn. I'm sorry by some chance you're the one. Maybe i will give in, yet again. -.-

WANTS VS NEEDS

2010-06-12T00:39:00.003+08:00

This is a much much much delayed LONG post about the activities i had since Term 2 ended. I have not been blogging much lately, and even if i do, the quality of my post deteriorated. A lot of things happened lately;

Day Ex Bike Recce
Bike Hike
CHS NCC AIR Annual Camp
AB Camp
CDAC Camp

I thought it was over, and i finally could have time for my revision, but guess what? It isn't over. Many more stuff come pouring in after that - activities, outings, problems here and there... But it's good isn't it? Else i would be wasting time nonetheless. =X

I shall talk about the activities first. I am not going to type out day by day what happen, because that's going to fill this post up with words and much more words. I am just going to summarise things up.

Firstly, Day Ex Bike Recce. It was a challenge completed. I had troubles having it the week before the day i actually had it as i wasn't able to get any bikes. Thankfully for this week, Ze Xun is able to put aside his Log Comm stuff and helped me with it. Thanks a lot to him! :D Oh and his father's bicycles are great! I do really enjoy the speed it's going at! Haha. It looked so impossible on the map, but we did it nonetheless! Well done! :D

After that was immediately bike hike. I managed to somehow asked for some rest time which in the end got me into a little problem, again. -.- Nevertheless, bike hike started after much waiting. It wasn't particularly exciting as i thought it would be, but i was actually entertaining myself while i was at the back looking at the things happening in front. I think there was more sense of satisfaction gained because i was able to complete both Day Ex Bike Recce as well as Bike Hike in a short span of 24 hours. The distance amounts to about 120km and it felt really great being able to achieve that physically and mentally. :) The last part of bike hike was particularly disappointing because we were told that we were not allowed to cycle back to ECP after arriving at AMK hub because of some unknown reason. We had to wait for quite a long time which actually severely drained us of the morale to carry on, so we strongly rejected the offer to be sent back to ECP before going to Cat High again. What for? o.O

Next was CHS NCC AIR Annual Camp. Nothing much happened here, except yet another successful (i hope?) talk to some people. Strange enough, the sense of satisfaction amount to what i got from bike hike! :) After that was much of walking and walking to collect the goodie bag for Bare Your Sole walk, which was quite good in fact. :) Ate lunch with Alvan and Jun Jie at Just Acia (purposely, because someone Alvan knew was there :P) for a very very long time. I went to my grandma house after that and collapsed on the bed. I was awaken by a rude shock when my grandma called out frantically for me to see what's going on outside, only to witness fire engines downstairs and fire breaking out at the level my grandma house was on. I sat outside the house watching the whole incident. Luckily no one was hurt! :)

I collapsed over the weekends and finally it was AB Camp. I think words ain't enough to describe the camp - you've got to experience it to believe it. I've been to many camps before, and i didn't really believe that it was possible for everyone to sit down and learn so much from one another just by one camp. I think it was a great experience for both campers and the student instructors. I wasn't a camper myself last year, but i heard from the rest that this year it was really a breakthrough! Cheers to AB CAMP! :D Kudos to all campers and SIs! :D I guess there won't be another great opportunity like this to learn so much from everyone else anymore. This indeed is a once in a lifetime opportunity to do so.

Moving on, last but not least, it's CDAC camp. I'm really amazed at the volunteers. The camp organisation was really a big screw up, but strange enough, things can get done! :P Enjoyed myself as i let myself loose (must be the highness after AB camp), and it was a great short camp! :D

Well, this is the end of the quick short summary about the activities, but trust me, the real experience is really far from this. There's just so much i want to talk about some of them, but there is just so little i could express them in words. Friendship forged, the ability to work together... The list just goes on and on. Now i guess what should be at the top of my list should be my goals for the Mid Year Common Test (MYCT). But i feel like i really have slacken down much much more as the days goes by. What happen to me? o.O I guess it's all an issue about being accustomed. Guess i really need to work hard to get myself in the gear of studying! :) So many more things to study for! :O Till then! :)

The night is always a good quiet time to calm yourself down and relax; on the contrary, it could also bring you a sense of loneliness and helplessness.

What in the world is going on? o.O

2010-06-08T20:56:00.006+08:00

The greatest distance that divides us; not you are oblivious to my love when I stand in front of u; but because we love each other knowing fate will forever keep us apart.

以前你我不用交谈, 我就可以感觉到你的想法. 为什么最近, 我都感觉不到你的内心? 突然觉得, 我们的距离, 变得好遥远喔!

Confused

2010-05-16T13:38:00.002+08:00

There's a post below dated 8th May. Apparently i was typing it halfway and thus i didn't post it, but it seems like i have no way to continue that post as well, so might as well just post what i have. Do read, since my blog has been dead for so long.

I have been really busy, at the same time killing myself by sleeping later and later. One day if i really die young, don't bother to find out the why did i die so early, because it has to be due to all the lack of sleep. I feel terrible now. Emotionally and physically. It's the after effects of not being able to get to sleep yesterday plus the ever lasting emotional attacks i receive from both known and unknown sources. I'm confused - i don't know what is going on, i don't know what to expect, i don't know what is true and what is not... I don't know everything already. The weather adds to my stress, and apparently, it's killing me! -.- I don't like this; i serious don't! But what can i do? o.O

I realised that i am behaving more and more strangely recently too. I think maybe some people may not discover this, even those close to me. One thing that's quite a joke is that i get my conscious mind kicking in even when i'm dreaming! That proves that my mind is not even resting when i'm sleeping. Here's an example:

"I had a dream about me losing my slippers and some other thing. I was finding them back in the dream and i found that thing back. I continued to search for my slippers in my dream and then my mind actually told me to wake up, because as long as i wake up, i know my slippers will be back since i'm dreaming, which eventually i did!"

My mind actually knows that i'm dreaming when i'm sleeping! It happens more than once already. So i am actually sleeping with my mind awake! How nice! What good rest i'm getting huh. I think it's enough for now. I should go try and get some rest before i wake up and start doing some stuff that i have to clear ASAP again. Sigh.

It takes a whole deal of courage just to love someone... and it takes a whole long period of hurtful time to forget someone you love...

Asphyxiated

2010-05-08T23:59:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since i'm free to sit down in front of the computer and type out all my thoughts properly in a blog post. There are lots of things that happened recently - good stuff, bad stuff, happy stuff, sad stuff - basically a whole range of stuff. Things got tensed, got me stressed up to my maximum capacity, going crazy - which includes doing some stuff i won't really do normally - bewildered, and the list goes on. Basically it's not just a roller coaster ride, it's an emotional upheaval, especially when i saw that three lines that got my heart pumping fast and woke me up when i was 90% dead - I was worried. Sigh. I've been starting to cough too. Apparently it's getting worse, and i should stop my bad habit about ignoring my cough and carry on drinking all the cold drinks. -.-

On another note, have you ever felt lonely before? o.O Even when you know a lot of people in school or outside school, but you just felt like there's no one practically close to you? That's what i typed last weekend...

Carry on with the hatred and hurt those close to you... Let go of it and love the people around you, and in turn, they will love you back.

Confused.

2010-04-24T20:53:00.001+08:00

It's been a long long time since i have blogged. I changed the clock on my blog! :) Well, it's been a long time since Christmas passed, and i should have changed it long ago. I changed it to a penguin, but seems like it doesn't look like one at all due to the dark background. But I think it looks nice this way - it has it's own uniqueness! :D

Anyway, i ran 8 rounds without stopping in lane 7 during yesterday's PE! That's like about 3.5km! :D I was quite satisfied with myself. Perhaps it might not be an incredible feat for some of you out there, but to me, to withstand all the temptations to stop and carry on running for such a distance isn't an everyday thing for me. :) Oh and i still have wushu after that! But luckily i didn't have to do much. I shall cut my post here as usual... I have no idea why i always have to cut my post halfway.

Sometimes, things really can be unfair... but what to do? Don't care! :)

Waiting.

2010-04-13T13:55:00.001+08:00

I'm super bored here at cchms watching wushu competition, so i decided perhaps i could blog. :) qi jie is sitting beside me and he doesn't believe that i have blog, so now i'm going to prove to him that i do have. :) see how bored i am? Haha. My event is already over so apparently i have nothing to worry about and thus nothing much to see either, except for some good ones. :)

Anyway, (i typed a lot using my phone and then it's all gone thanks to a connection loss). So that's all!

Isn't words accompanying actions just better then actions alone? o.O

Pretence. Acting.

2010-04-08T23:46:00.001+08:00

It's OVER! I do not know whether to heave a sigh of relief and smile because my competition is over or put on a frown because i screwed my event up - well at least i didn't get last! :) I felt the tension when i was supposed to report at the holding area. I cooled myself down after trying very hard to relax, only to get tensed up all the way as i walked in the carpet. -.- What to do? First move i know i won't do well already. :( Never mind la. It's OVER! :D Congrats to Wei Lee for getting FIRST in 2 events! Also congrats to Jaseline for getting 4th today! :D As for the rest, jiayou and all the best! :D

If life is a train, then i'll be the driver. I will be in the driver cabin alone; separated from the passengers boarding and alighting the train by a door.

GONE

2010-04-05T01:58:00.003+08:00

8th April is my competition day. Will you cheer for me and support me from the faraway place, or would you just simply feign ignorance? o.O How i wish it can be the former. One word like 'jiayou' or maybe 'all the best' will work wonders on me, but i guess it seems to be like just an unrealistic dream. I don't dare to tell you upfront, for fear that you may say i'm seeking attention again. =X You know who you are, and don't ever ask me questions if you are not. I have enough of stuff to bother me already.

It's 2am in the morning and i'm going to start Monday with a sleepy face in school again. There goes the slack week, which ain't exactly slack after all, and upcoming weeks are simply crazy. My competition is on the coming Thursday. I really wished i could squeeze into top 4 and at least get a medal, but i am really not confident in getting one. Out of 11 competitors including myself, i'm sure there are at least more than 4 that have started wushu in secondary school, or even in primary school. How am i, after being so lazy for the past year, going to beat them? This is going to be tough, but i ain't going to give up just like that. People say the greater the dreams, the greater the disappointment. But if you don't even dare to dream, you are simply just squashing all the hope with your bare hands. Tuesday would be the last training, and i have to sleep early and just try my best! :)

What's the use of having hopes and dreams? It's for the sake of your motivation to make them ALL come true. :)

Long busy weeks ahead...

2010-04-02T02:31:00.002+08:00

Crazy. It's another 2.30am in the morning and i am here. It's going to be a long weekend filled with lots of activities and work to do, at least for me. I shall not list them all out here because it's just impossible to be able to finish listing them all, so why bother? o.O I just recovered from fever, apparently it wasn't that serious as i manage to detect it and curb it on time. Now what's left seems to be my slight cold and cough which seems to drag on to the third day already. I can't help falling sick with so many people falling sick - my lack of sleep simply just adds on to the probability by lowering my body resistance to a minimum. -.-

It just feels great when i survived training on Tuesday with slight fever, after much intense pressure from coach shouting "快! 快!" I managed a time of 1 minute 20 seconds which broke my fastest record by 8 seconds! What a miracle! :) That really kept my mood high for the rest of the day, despite my fever - those that i talk to will know. :P And i survived the week, amazingly! :) It never fails to amaze me how i manage to scrape through a lot of stuff. I'm not being egoistic here - i'm just lucky not to get into any trouble. Phew. :) Oh and i saw this quote today during GP lecture (amazingly i was listening :P);

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

I find it so relevant and true to some matters. Well, it simply means i'm going insane, because i'm really doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. :) I've done some search on it, and it appears the quote is used with a negative connotation. It's all with the thought of, how can you get different results by doing the same thing over and over again? Here comes my question - why not? o.O I found some rare few articles going against the stand that you will never get different results by doing the same thing over and over again. On my search, i came across this quote from an unknown source;

Sometimes doing the same thing a second time when it hasn’t worked the first is indeed just foolish. But sometimes it’s shrewd. Wisdom consists, in part, in knowing the difference. Flexibility is a virtue. But in most matters, flexibility properly kicks in only after persistence has been given a fair chance.

It's not like as if when you give things a second try, the circumstances would say exactly the same. There's no ceteris paribus assumption (econs) in real life, and circumstances DO change. Actually, it's actually just whether you find something worth it or not worth it to try again. That's where your supposedly wisdom comes into the picture. I guess that's enough talk. It's going to be like a discussion essay if i continue. :P For the don't know how many times, i'm sleeping at 4am again. -.-

Before you assume something can never turn out right just because of one particular incident, doesn't mean it will forever be like this. Why not give it a try again?

Phobias.

2010-03-29T14:06:00.002+08:00

E-learning at home today. It's really as i have predicted for myself. It's the MOMENT of SIANESS! LOL! It seems that i have been influenced to talk about the MOMENT all the time too huh. :) I hope i can at least win something this time round. :)

Anyway, being bored, i feel like viewing scholarships again. It seems like i'm more and more determined to apply for a scholarship next time, but it doesn't means that if i want means i will get. Sigh. I really need to work hard - both academically and at making my records look nicer! :) The latter seems much more interesting and possible than the former. LOL! Never mind. I seriously need to do work already. WORK WORK WORK! :)

If you continue to say what you don't mean, then perhaps one day you will really get what you don't want. Cherish what you have! :)

Time.

2010-03-28T02:19:00.001+08:00

Okay since people keep asking me to blog, i shall not be lazy and blog! :) I came across something just now that made me think a little. Your personality determines your fate? o.O Not exactly true. There are still people that can accept your personality and some who cannot. So it doesn't means that you are a bad tempered person means people would ALL shun away from you. Maybe a few stupid (that's what people think they are) people will stay and let you scold them. :) Aren't these people very noble? :P

Anyway, i realised something recently. We are mostly selfish people in a way. We make conclusions most of the time without putting ourselves into other people's shoes. Just because we don't know what is the cause of how the other person is behaving, doesn't mean he/she doesn't have a valid reason to cause him/her to behave this way. The thing is, will you bother to go and find out what is this reason? Most people don't. Because of the lack of communication, some not good stuff just happen. Even if you know the reason, most people just believe that they themselves are right and give the verdict that the reason is invalid. But if it were you, would you behave in this way? Put yourself in the other party's shoe! Probably you weren't know, because you may not have experience what he/she has gone through before. Sigh. It all boils down to two words... understanding someone.

On the side note, i'm beginning to wonder does emotions overwhelm people that easily? o.O Does depression really makes people that heartless and make them forget about the good stuff that others did but remember all the negative stuff only? Haiz.

The feeling is just so different, so miraculous, so unbelievable, just so nice. :)

Questions...

2010-03-20T14:00:00.002+08:00

My post are once again dragging and dragging on. Jeez! Even blogging i can procrastinate. It seems like i can procrastinate everything already. -.- Pro^2crastinator indeed! That is, if you can get what that means. =.= Anyway, don't you think that as a leader, when you ask someone to do something, you should probably be expected to do be willing to do it too if you are in the same situation right? Well, even it's just a game, and it's alright you didn't do it, but i don't see a point when you could use your authority to stop someone from 'helping you to do it' right? I mean, it's just a game! Never mind. Maybe it's just me that believes that you got to treat people how you want to be treated. Anyone out there believes this too? Drop me a tag! :)

As the March 'HOLIDAYS' is coming to an end, i'm finally having my FIRST day of 'HOLIDAY'. Haha. I was involved in the AB SI(Student Instructors) Camp from Saturday to Monday, and then wushu training for competition everyday since Tuesday. My knees were about to give way already, and i proudly say that i survived them all, despite having a few hiccups here and there. :) Oh and i found back my long lost smile on Thursday for 2 days, and apparently it got wiped off from me again today. =.= Nevertheless, i am kind of relieved that someone is catching up fine and seems like someone is coping well. But i'm not going to expect much again - after all, i'm trained not to. I just hope whatever i believe and held on to is true, else i really don't know what to do. I'm on a one way trip with no return - 破釜沉舟, 有进无退. That's what my heart tells me to do, and if i have to be foolish following that, then i shall be. :)

Anyway, finally the weather decided to cool down a bit. Maybe it's not just a bit, but a lot. I don't know about the rest, but i personally find this a good thing, as finally i can get better sleep and more clam feelings. :) Speaking of that, probably i should make full use of the time to do work already. But the question lies with where should i start? OMG. =.=

Many questions are left unanswered, but i do not need to know the answers to this questions to know what i want. Just follow the heart. :)

Long term battle.

2010-03-07T07:51:00.002+08:00

It's been a rare sight to see me awake at such an early time in the morning on a weekend for a long time. I actually slept for 16 hours (getting up several times at night) till this morning. :) It seems like i have finally recovered from my serious lack of sleep, but i shall just hope it won't happen again.

Anyway, i had the best lunch ever yesterday, though it could be better if the weather wasn't that hot. I went to a coffee shop near my house and ate alone - sitting under the fan and eating my bowl of laksa. It's not because the laksa was very nice. It's the peace i got then, something which i have not been able to get recently. Now i know why someone likes peace so much. :) Too many things happening recently that got my mind working very very hard. Worried for this, worried for that, troubled over this, troubled over that. In addition to that, i get home only later and later. My mind just ain't getting enough rest. Hence, the vicious circle (hey i still remember it's not vicious cycle! :D) came again, which actually got me into more troubles. =.= Never mind. It's all over now and i shall not let it repeat again! :)

Oh and have you ever thought of how far you will go for something you really want? o.O I think the most important thing is to be optimistic that you will achieve what you want in the end. Although you will get disappointments this way, but at least that's what keep you going! :) If you're going to give up halfway, you're giving up any chances of you succeeding at all! Nothing is definite until you give up! Some things can wait, there's no hurry to give up now only to regret it later! :)

No matter what, i will wait till everything or at least most of the things are settled before any decisions are made. :)

Heart VS Mind... the YES or NO battle.

2010-03-03T23:13:00.002+08:00

I realised how a pathetic state i am in now. I hope this time round i have really woken up, and it's for good. If i continue this pathetic state, i would bound to crumble some day and i am going to regret it. So since now i currently have a chance to fix my life (or rather i sincerely hope i do), i better fix it right NOW! :) I have been really really unlucky recently. Uncountable unfortunate events showered upon me. It was really tiring for me, but being the optimistic guy i am, i actually survived through it. I brought the trouble upon myself (for some cases), so i practically have no one to blame. So be it! I shall do something about it! :)

Sometimes i wish i could be emo more longer. I would really want to share some emoness from someone, then it'll much possibly be a win-win situation. But things aren't that easy, as usual, so i guess it can only be a daydream. I do hope despite this, things can turn out much better then it will be. I trust my feelings, and i believe that after everything, things will definitely be much better. :) I shall not stay here for too long. Time to do my work! :)

Seeing is believing. I will only believe it when i really hear it from the horse's mouth. :)

Emoness/Happiness

2010-02-28T14:16:00.005+08:00

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me recently. I only getting crazier and crazier, as though my mind has a screw loose. Why would i actually put it on the blog if i don't want someone to know huh? Stupid stupid stupid! And i really don't meant that as if i'm very important. I don't! =X

The weather is getting really hot recently. Perhaps it's due to the weather that it's making my mind so crazy. Rah! It's driving me mad! -.- I think it's because of the weather, it tempts me to slack in the day and then start my work at night. Of course, that will sacrifice my poor sleep. =X Never mind. I just don't know what else to say suddenly.

How am i going to win this long-term battle? o.O

Lost.

2010-02-25T23:53:00.006+08:00

Today didn't start off right. I was rushing to school and sprain my ankle on the way when i came down the stairs. I endured the pain and staggered to school only to end up being late yet again. -.- But i realised something! AJ teachers are actually very nice! :) Some teachers came to ask whether i was okay, and some really did what they could to help. Thanks a lot! :) :)

Alvan and Desmond came down to help me up to chemistry lab after i smsed them. I can't believe i actually managed to hop all the way up to 3rd floor with my left leg only. Good training. Haha. :) Desmond actually offered to piggy back me, which he did for a few times today, and the rest of the time i actually spent hopping from a place to another. I actually can hop quite fast, though is actually very tiring. I'm fortunate enough to have good friends helping me hold my bag and the shoe, else i really do not know how i am going to 'travel' around in school. I guess the most memorable 'jump' would be going from Blk 10 after Physics, all the way to Blk 4 for Math peer tutoring. The distance was incredibly far, though AJ isn't that big (luckily in this case), but i survived! :D

I was thinking of how in the world am i supposed to get home during Econs Clinic, but luckily Ms Cheng helped! Thanks Ms Cheng! :D Also not forgetting my good friends Alvan, Desmond and Jun Jie for helping me carrying my stuff around while i hopped. And thanks to everyone that showed any form of concern or helped me in some way or another! Thanks lots! You all rock! :D

Oh by the way, i asked my cousin for help and he fetched me to see a Chinese doctor already. I had my very first experience for acupuncture and the fire treatment. Woah the fire treatment is okay, but the acupuncture feels like having injections, not one, but many! And it's not only that, but when he tries to put the needle in further, i feel this shock waves sent through my right leg (the injured leg), all the way to my feet. It worked, for now. The doctor says it's nothing very serious and i do hope so, of course. I should be able to stagger around school tomorrow instead of hopping! :) Thanks Desmond again for volunteering to help carry my stuff tomorrow if i need help when going to school! I think i can manage. :)

Wishing that someone would be as fortunate as me - having a bunch of good people surrounding her too.

Talked for very very long today...

2010-02-23T02:05:00.003+08:00

Oh and i still didn't post the pictures. Haha. I'm just too lazy and busy. :P Contradicting eh? But that is exactly what i am now. Busy with a lot of stuff but whenever i have free time, i am lazy to continue doing the stuff again. Lols. I came across this video and decided to share here, since it has been rather tense lately. Hope you enjoy! :D

For those who doesn't appreciate Lady Gaga (not that i like her a lot), just treat this as a joke! :D Homework time!

I want to be the plaster that is able to heal all the wounds, but i know my limits. However, i still will do my utmost best! :D

Wounds...

2010-02-19T01:53:00.003+08:00

I am going to start the first post in the year of the tiger with an emo post, how nice. I seriously need a place to relax myself, and i guess this would be the only place for now. I haven't been having enough sleep again, which probably explains the time i am blogging now. I know there isn't any time left actually, but i really need to express it out before i can concentrate. =X

Why not start the year with a happy post? I wished. However, this Chinese New Year seems extra weird - something is terribly missing. It's not really because of the Chinese New Year mood - I don't have that often, more like holiday mood only - but it's really something that is missing. Reunion dinner doesn't seems like one anymore. It has just simply become a situation where just everyone eats from the same dishes on the table, at a different time. It was so bad that i would rather be doing vectors. =.= I tried to stay awake the whole night, but ended up falling asleep at 4+ on the sofa, which actually marks the beginning of nights on the sofa again.

First day of new year already something bad happened. I don't wish to elaborate again - those who know will know. Second day was better, but not very good either. Is it me or is the taste of the food gone down? o.O Third day was more or less wasting time, nothing much, except going down to the floating platform to view the 春到河畔. I took some pictures, which i am kind of lazy to upload now. I shall upload next time. :)

Interestingly, when i started blogging, the emo feeling fades away and i tend to forget about it. Maybe is the weariness that is coming to take over my brain, resulting in me forgetting my emoness. It's not bad too - at least this post will not be that emo. :) I shall hope things get better along the way! But it seems so hard to come true...

What you don't see, doesn't mean that it does not exist. Now i know what you mean by surreal.

Ticking time bombs...

2010-02-08T03:28:00.002+08:00

Knew it isn't the perfect time to blog, but i just can't stop this sudden rush of emotions that i want to express out. Talking about this, what exactly is emotions? o.O What you see on the outer surface? I don't really think so, because what you see on the outside, may not be what is actually happening on the inside. I realised something - your environment shapes you. Of course it can't do anything to your personality in the first place, but apparently it can create a false image of you and just changed you without you noticing. Scary huh? Indeed it is scary. By then, people around you would realise that you have changed, and may misunderstood you and hence walk away. Just how many people will actually try to understand what in the world happened and why things turn out this way? There won't be many, and considering the fact that these people won't have the time to care about everyone, the numbers can only get lesser.

I had wanted to blog about a lot of stuff recently. Happy incidents, sad incidents, complaints and everything! But i didn't have the time to do so. I didn't even have the time to be myself anymore, so i chose to only concentrate on someone. Sorry but i can only take that much with the huge amount of stuff on top of me, but of course no matter what, i will only fork out time for someone. Anyone who knows me well enough will understand. :)

Two paragraphs of 'foreign language' up there ain't going to let my readers understand what is going on again, will they? Haha. This one should be easier to understand. I don't understand why i am getting so slack again. The "don't care" feeling is overwhelming me - so much that i can literally don't care about anything (except things related to someone, ain't you honoured xP). Come on Samuel Wong! Stop being so lazy would ya? Tsk tsk. Can't believe i scolded myself countless time here and it isn't working. It's 2010 already! WAKE UP! Maybe it will be better after Chinese New Year. Will it? o.O

If i were to forget everything just like him, would you be like her and try so hard just to make me remember everything again? o.O

林達浪与陳寶茱 Joanna Fung and Jacky Wu

2010-01-22T01:39:00.002+08:00

Have you ever indirectly caused someone that you don't want him/her to be emo to emo? I think it doesn't feel good if you did, does it? It feels like failing your A levels - no, perhaps much worse then that. Sigh.

The day is approaching, but i am still having the hope that there would be a surprise, a miracle, or anything to be happy about. Am i daydreaming? I don't know, but i sincerely wish that i am not.

我愿意担心你一辈子, 但也请你照顾好自己, 别在让我担心你了好吗?

林達浪与陳寶茱

2010-01-20T18:36:00.002+08:00

Hmm... i better blog now just in case i get lazy later and then i wouldn't be blogging. Haha. xP Today something special happened in AJC's auditorium. The lights just went off including the projector screen when we were in the midst of our economics lecture. Power failure? o.O Nope. The microphone was still working. Blackout in the school? Nope. I checked with others and found out that all other electrical in the school was still normally functioning! That's the interesting thing! Weird. So anyway, we had a quite cool lecture in the auditorium. Lecture without lights and with handphones as our light source to see our notes! SMS that openly is nice! It was a nice experience! :)

My stomach's feeling weird recently. Stomach aches, nauseous feelings etc. Are they caused by lack of sleep? Probably, or rather, i hope so. They better be cured as soon as i get my rest - question is when? o.O Sigh... Another day is coming. It seems like nothing can stay good for long recently? And my body is suffering the consequences. =.= Haiis. Alright. I am super high now but super blur now, so i don't know what else should i say already. Maybe next time! :)

Wouldn't it be nice to know something good that is hidden from you by a false bad outside? :)

Reasons and excuses. xP

2010-01-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

I am emotionally unstable now. I feel like i am losing control of my mind already. My mind is still in that lazy mode that don't feel like doing anything at all. It's making me into a completely useless person. How can i wake myself up? :( Enough of all this already. I feel like an idiot now - a completely useless idiot. I can't even control my brain to do things; it's like it is controlling me, instead of the other way round! -.- What in the world is wrong with me? Sick till i lost my brain? Or is it what happened in December? o.O I have no idea.

I spent my free days in December basically rotting - like a totally useless person. Sleep and sleep and sleep, whole day clicking on the computer doing nothing, and that's it. Luckily i still got some jobs, so apparently i didn't waste it totally. Ever since after 5th December, i seemed to like give up on myself - being extremely lazy and don't care about everything. And i think that's how i still feel now, perhaps worse. Somebody help?

It seems like i experienced a similar situation before at the start of Secondary 3, but i think this time round it has gotten worse. I think i am living in some dream land. I just continue to imagine and dream without any work to it. But things are not going to get done if i just dream and imagine, they need actual work! The thing is i'm not doing it! I know i repeated that many times in this post. I am trying to tell myself that it's really really time to wake up. I don't think that will be of much use since i have told myself countless times that in previous posts, but it's still worth a try. I need to get my brain back. I need to work hard. I need to be myself again. How do i protect someone if i can't even protect myself?! Wake up you idiot!

If that 'you' is referring to me, and the thing is what i am thinking, then i understand.

Wake up.

2010-01-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

Today is the day, where i have been waiting for a long long time. The day i am scared that it will come, and the day that i wished could faster be over. 11th January 2010. The results are out, and it's over. I was told it's over. You can't believe how stun i was when i saw the numbers staring at me. I was just lost for words at the moment. I don't know what to say or what to do - I am just appalled!

After getting to know what happened, i realised it's really really wasted. It's as though fate is toying with me again. I seriously hate fate because it has been toying with me all the time, and this time round i really couldn't believe i am at it's mercy again. I just refuse to succumb to it. But why must it drag down people around me as well? I feel unjust for them! Sigh. Strange enough, i'm still carrying hope in my heart - something is still telling me not to give up. But what else is there left? Is all the fanciful 'daydreams' going to be true at all? I wish they were.

This time round the feeling i felt is totally different from last year. I felt worse than getting my own results. I just... I don't even know how to describe already. I'm lost for words, perhaps due to my serious lacking of sleep. I stayed up almost whole night yesterday, leaving my pile of homework undone, but trying to solve a particular code. I am sorry to that particular someone i didn't follow what was told to me, and pursue on to try and break the code. It's not purely for fun - I don't enjoy torturing myself late at night, it's more of to understand what is going on. It's different from restricting you or whatsoever, i am just trying to know you better, to understand you better. The concern just automatically come out of me. I just hope i could do more; constantly struggling here and there just to do a little more that perhaps go unappreciated, but it's okay. Any little bit i could contribute means something to me. I know i haven't made been successful attempts but at least i do hope that there are small successful attempts. I don't want you to be sad, although i know it's inevitable, but i still don't want. =X

How i wish i could just hold on to you tight, and tell you everything is going to be alright - but i am just not good enough.

Dead, or alive? o.O

2010-01-10T16:00:00.002+08:00

It's officially the last day of the holidays, for the JC students of course. I know that the secondary school and primary school students have started school a week ago, and the lucky O level graduates are still waiting for their results which is coming out tomorrow. I believe there's many out there who are just like me, having a huge pile of homework undone and staring at it, wondering how we will die tomorrow. Haha. You will never be alone! Lol.

Oh and i just finished my Chemistry e-lecture, and guess what, i actually felt happy that i finished something! What a joke. I still have like a huge pile of work undone!! Jiayou Samuel Wong! You can do it de! Well... maybe not finish all, but at least, as much as possible? That's assuming i stay away from the computer which includes what i am doing now, blogging. -.- And there's piano lesson later as well. Wow and i'm really feeling the stress. But the stress for tomorrow is still very much larger. I really really wish for a miracle man! :)

After all has been done, it eventually sets down and just depends on one man's decision.

Miracle please. :)

2010-01-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

My stomach is still not feeling any better. I just feel stomach pain all of a sudden and it will go away. I hope it's nothing serious. =X Anyway, my mind has been fully occupied by the date 11th January 2010. It's my first day of school, as well as the release of the GCE O Levels results and the results for the people who took the retest. I know the only thing that concern me should be only the first day of school, which apparently means i have to start on the pile of homework i have not even touched for the whole holidays, and more work to come. But that's only on the outside. I guess rare few people get what i meant when i say the other two are more important to me, especially the O Levels results. Have fun guessing why is that so, because if you know, you know, if you don't, i guess you would never know. :)

Actually, i would have hoped that i need not return to school on monday. It's not because i have a pile of work unfinished, but i would like to be somewhere else. Last year, when i took my results, i have someone to encourage me, to calm me down, and this year i want to be that someone in return. But my timetable doesn't allow me to. All i can do now is to quickly finish my homework so that i will not be bothered by it on that day. I want it to be the happiest day of my life till now! I hope it can be! :D I wish for a miracle man! :D Alright time for work...

I have not been that happy for such a long long long long long long time! xD

My heart is smiling again! Thanks. xD

2010-01-08T04:16:00.001+08:00

"也许, 我们都对自己最在乎的人太过严格了, 不是吗?"

I heard this sentence recently, and i found it very meaningful. Do you think that is true? o.O To the someone out there, i don't know if you are still reading this. But if you are, i would like to say although i don't know what's the reason for all this change in you, why things must become like this, what in the world are you trying to do, but i still believe one day you will become the same old you. And the very fact that you are still here reading this means you care, and you actually reply me despite claiming that i'm annoying when you can actually just ignore me. I don't know what you are trying to escape on, but i feel really really sad not being able to share any of your burdens. :(

Haiz. Things are getting more and more complicated, or is it just me? No i don't think so. I am screwing myself up lately. See the time now and i'm still not sleeping, and once i sleep, i can't get up. Something feels missing from my life. I lost the ability to laugh from my heart. It's gone. But will it be recovered? o.O I guess it all depends on the that very fateful day, and it's going to come really soon. 11th January. And just great. The results for the retest would be coming out on the 11th too. That's a lot of my friends being affected on that day. Although i don't have any results, i do have my FIRST day of school on that day. -.-

I seriously don't wish to go back to school, because i don't know how can i handle what is going on. What if the miracle didn't happen? What if fate still remains as cruel? What if things don't turn for the better? Unforgettable JC life. It's really unforgettable, but it's not about the JC, it's more about the things that happened in the previous year. Can i don't see a repeat this year? Of course the good things are welcomed, but i genuinely hope that the bad things can stay away? Else i really don't know how can i handle them. Enough of being an owl already. Enough of escaping from my problems. Enough of staying on the bed and refusing to get up, just because i want to 'see what happens next in my dreams'. -.- What exactly is going on in my world? It's like in total chaos now. :(

On a lighter note, i may get addicted to swimming now. It really helps me to forget everything for that very moment, and just concentrate on how may laps i have swam. I swam 6 laps for warm up and 16 laps after that on both days that i went to Yishun SAFRA (6th and 7th Jan). It helps my thinking too, perhaps to clear my mind. But i realised my happiness does not last long as usual, and there i am back to face everything again. Swimming seems like a good way to escape for awhile. At least it's like exercise and prevent me from getting fat. Haha. Alright. Time to get some sleep. :)

Would you go all the way to help someone, to hope that someone would just turn back, to wait for her no matter how long? I would.

if i known you earlier...

2010-01-07T02:27:00.003+08:00

I realised it's been days since i last blogged. I am getting lazier and lazier, but i cannot continue like this. Wake up Samuel Wong! AHH!! I began to like quiet recently. I prefer night than days now. Peace. Quiet. Solitude. But no. It will kill me, cause there's a huge pile of work waiting for me to do. WAKE UP!! No. Sleep time. -.-

Putting on a happy mask is tiring.

but i have to be...

2010-01-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe

Little? I guess should be very! Haha. I chance upon this quote somewhere and i believe this shows why it is all worth it. :)

Hmm... i went to dinner after i type those. But now it's officially 2.30am on the 2nd of Jan, and i got to wake up at 4am later to go to my cousin house as today is his wedding day. It would be a busy day, so i guess i should go get some rest now and blog about what i actually wanted to blog about sometime later! :)

Action speaks louder than words... but sometimes actions are just not enough.

Sleepy.

2009-12-31T06:15:00.002+08:00

It's officially 6+ am in the morning of the last day of 2009 and i'm still not sleeping! Haha. I am going to sleep soon though. I was thinking back about what happened throughout the year, and i had a good time reminiscing about the past. :) It's just good memories, be it sad or happy. I am really fortunate to be able to know someone that has changed my life this year. I was also unfortunate to have some stuff that happened to me that left me a bad memory. But no matter what, in the matter of hours, 2009 is going to be over, and 2010 is going to come! :) I wish 2010 would be a good brand new year! :) See you all next year! Nights. :D

Cherish the past, present and the future! :)

I want a miracle for 2010! :)

2009-12-30T17:16:00.002+08:00

Are you in a situation where the words someone said mattered so much to you, so much more than the exact same words said by another person? If yes, sometimes don't you feel weird how you react to exactly the same words said by different person? o.O I realised that to some people, some words just matter to them a lot. Don't you agree? o.O They can sway their emotions high up, or likewise, all the way deep down.

Anyway, this December has been the weirdest month. It just feel so different! Christmas wasn't like Christmas. I forgot about it until i heard people shouting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! And i was still wondering what they shouting for, until i heard Merry Christmas! LOL! I am like having 'suicidal thoughts' too! Don't be scared, i don't want to die yet, but they say sleeping late is actually 慢性自杀. Guess what? Some nights i don't even sleep at all! Haha. And i just survived Wushu training with just one hour of sleep yesterday! =.= Now i really don't feel good. Isn't that considered as having 'suicidal thoughts'? xP Come on it's time to wake up! 2009 is going to be over soon!!

2009 is quite a long year. It feels so long, because there are so many things that happened! Sad incidents, happy incidents - it's as though my mood was on a roller coaster ride. I shall not reflect back on them, since it will probably spoil my mood by remembering those sad incidents. Although some of them remains vividly in my mind, it's still better not to think about them right? :) It was an eventful year, and it's about to come to a close. How would next year be? Like sec 4 where it's all study, study, study and nothing else? I doubt so, and i don't want it to be like this. I don't want to exclude some things out of my life, else it'll be an empty life, just like how i am in this December. I can mask it up all i want, but inside will be still as hollow as ever. The only difference is that i'll not end up in some pathetic state, that's all. And i promised i wouldn't be. :)

It's up to me to be strong, to be happy myself - else how would i be able to be the support? o.O

Looking forward to break the 'eves curse' of mine. :)

2009-12-25T20:07:00.009+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! :) Since it's Christmas, what about Christmas carols? Haha. I am sick of those original ones, so how about these two 'carols' that i found? Enjoy! :)

Have an extraordinary Christmas! Don't be like me! :)

Everyone is special. You have beaten 10 million other possible individuals since the day you were born! :)

What will happen? o.O

2009-12-17T05:12:00.003+08:00

OMG! I slept for the whole day! Yep. That's what happened yesterday (December 16th). I guess i am more and more like a full time owl, that i actually didn't even see daylight at all. I actually woke up at 12+pm and every hour plus after that, but i didn't actually got out of bed. Crazy huh. :) It's getting super duper unhealthy for me if i carry on like this, and i am already feeling the effects of it. I was feeling super duper sick when i woke up, having a huge headache and flu and so on. That got me really stressed up which in turn adds to my headache! Irritating huh. Haha. And amazingly, after it sort of disappeared now. It does help not thinking about it. :)

I feel like i am rotting now. It's time to wake up; actually it's past the time to wake up, but apparently i am still in my 'rotting' state. I have a lot of things awaiting me to do, and i just can't seem to get the motivation to do them. Of course! That's because i don't even get the motivation to wake up now. What a failure! =X This can't go on. I am just like ignoring whatever things that is happening around me, like as though i am escaping from something, and diving into my own world. Am i? o.O WAKE UP SAMUEL WONG SUI PENG!!

I chance upon this somewhere:

Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!

Is giving up the only option? o.O or perhaps there are other options? Haha. I guess ultimately it is up to you to judge whether it is worth it or not. Am i right? As long as i feel it's worth it, why not? :) Perhaps i am really just not strong enough to let go, but i'm happier this way - it's just not my style by giving up. Ain't i weird? xP

Now i'm finally posting what i saw in my trip to malacca in a gift shop. They have those kind of keychains with a tag on them. You know what i mean.

A friend is someone who chooses to understand you,
care for you, help you, without any reason.
A friend is someone,
who is by your side in each and every season.
A friend is someone who can be trusted
without doubt tell him a secret
and it will never come out.

Ain't that nice? :) I have one more.

A friend should be someone who will always be there;
to take time to listen, to help out to care.
A friend should be someone who makes you feel good;
Who is able to cheer you when no one else also could.
A friend should be warm, understanding and true;
Someone you trust
Who will let you be you.

Don't you think that's true? :) I wonder whether i could be like that, or perhaps better. :) Oh it's going to be daybreak soon, and i wonder how i am going to react to my dad's face as soon as he wakes up and see me not sleeping. Full time owl? Nope. Please get back to normal soon!

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! When you feel like no one actually cares, I do. :)

心病还需心药医!

2009-12-12T17:03:00.002+08:00

My 4th finger on my right hand hurts! Maybe not that much, but when i used it to press backspace, it hurts a little now. Injure it by the basketball yesterday. Now it really feels a little out of place. Haha. xP It feels really good to be playing basketball again with you zhe after so long. Once again i realised how i suck in basketball, but it doesn't really matter. The one that mattered more is more of how unfit i am. Been so slack recently that i rarely even move, much less exercise. Adding to it, there's no jobs for this whole week, which apparently screwed up my sleeping hours - not sleeping at night, and sleeping in the day. Going to become full time owl at this rate. But it should be okay, because i am trying to get back to normal. :)

Oh revision hits my mind again. Crap. I should really stop being so lazy, but does anyone have any tips on how to be not lazy? o.O I guess wasting time is still my forte, with days passing in a flash. Did i do this purposely in my subconscious mind so that the days seemed shorter and much easier to pass? Because i want January to faster reach and someone to come back? I don't know. =X

I feel like the post O levels days again - this time much lazier. Like i am so lazy that i don't feel like doing anything. Don't know why i am like this - maybe because it's too quiet nowadays. Who knows? Hope i'll get back on my feet soon! How?! o.O Oh and i changed the layout of my blog. Wonder do i still get visitors - my tagboard seems to be quite dead. Haha. I added a few songs to my playlist. Anyway, i chose a light blue ipod nano as my music player is because someone happens to have that. xP I placed a 'Christmas clock' on top since it will be Christmas soon. :)

I am TRUE! Everything here is and will be true! True enough to be waiting for you to be back! :)

Quiet days...

2009-12-08T05:17:00.002+08:00

Wow i just reached home from work. Finally home sweet home! :) I think this job is changing me back to an owl - only getting home at wee hours of the day, but it's a great job and the pay is not bad. The best thing is that you are provided taxi home from work, and it just feels good that you need not take the mrt or bus home and can watch the taxi meter tick like nobodies' business. :)

For the benefit of those who don't know, i'm actually packing drinks in supermarkets. So do be nice if you ever visit the shop and save in greenridge, ntuc in hougang, toa payoh or kallang bahru. These are the supermarkets that i packed before. It's a good work out carrying the drinks - at least some exercise rather than stay at home 24/7. And you get pay for exercising, so why not? Haha. Actually the job is quite enjoyable, especially when i am doing with you zhe. See i mention you leh you zhe! You are supposed to be honoured! xP

Work aside (pun intended), i have been quite busy lately - busy slacking. xP I told myself i am suppose to start studying in December but i just couldn't take the first step to start doing so. My first steps are always the hardest, and when i get the momentum going, i could go for quite long. Too bad most of the time i didn't even start. xP Actually i got to catch up on some sleep first, and so hopefully i will start studying by this week, HOPEFULLY! I really have lots to catch up. :) Oh and about the post on my Malacca trip and my class chalet, you got to see whether i get the mood to talk about it. Else i am getting lazy to go and recall and type it out. xP

No matter the distance, no matter where you are, i will definitely be here waiting... waiting for you to be back. :)

Have fun! :)

2009-12-07T13:15:00.002+08:00

Well, i am supposed to post this like yesterday, but somehow someone is faster yet again, as usual. xP

Actually i'm quite slow, like what i heard from the news yesterday. Someone actually 'copied' my idea and started a company! Not really copied mine, since he doesn't even know what i am thinking about anyway. What i think about is actually for my own personal use, not commercially. So what i was thinking about? Well, sometimes i do have thoughts that what would happen if i just suddenly left this world; what would happen to all my stuff in the virtual world? How would all my friends know about it? I have no idea. And the fact that when my grandfather passed away, my piano teacher, who was a neighbour before, didn't know about it, despite her moving to only a few blocks away. So how will anyone know that i have passed on? o.O

Haha. I actually thought of writing down a 'will' to settle all my stuff and keep it somewhere safe, but i didn't bother to in the end - i wasn't really planning to die anytime soon, and i have to make sure i don't! :) Too many things i haven't done, so i couldn't really die. Okay what a way to start my post, but can i just end it here, since i'm kind of tired since i didn't sleep the whole night because of some unexpected incident popping out that scare the hell out of me. Can't really remember much about malacca now anyway, so i shall rest first! xD

Life is full of unpredictable stuff - even two parallel lines may meet someday. :)

Waiting...

2009-12-05T23:36:00.003+08:00

Since i was requested, i would update this pathetic blog. :) I was planning to anyway, but someone is always faster. xP

5th of December 2009 - it's one of those days again...

I bet no one could understand that sentence. Haha. A question to ponder. Have you heard before people saying that when you are sneezing all out of a sudden, perhaps someone is thinking about you or missing you somewhere? Do you believe in the saying? o.O I sort of believe it, but not totally. Imagine having to sneeze like mad when people start thinking of you - so is it a good thing or a bad thing? Haha. Well, that question actually came because i am sneezing badly at times, and at different times, i am perfectly alright! This is weird. I would like to think of it as flu, but do you recover from flu in just an hour and get it back the next hour? o.O I wonder...

Anyway, today is different from one of those days. This time round, it's not as bad. Actually it's much better. :) But this time round, it already got deeper; much much deeper. When i come home, i actually forgot to press the button for the lift! When i go out again, the same thing happened. And there's a lot of stuff to proof that i am actually not myself today - like totally in a daze. I think my mind and soul are not with me. It's somewhere else. Totally crazy! It's only 1 day, and there's still so many days left. I totally have no idea how i am going to survive. =X

Oh by the way, i was intending to blog about my trip to malacca last weekend and the class chalet, but i dragged till i actually starting to forgot details le. I think i will blog about them in a separate post tomorrow - if i ever will... xP

Looking back at all those post allows me to realise that it has gone way deep, and that how it all changed my life - totally. :)

Always in my mind...

2009-11-25T14:20:00.003+08:00

Okay forget it. I thought of doing a new outlook for my blog, but apparently, i really don't know what to do with it. So, i just put what i have already come up with currently for the time being (don't know how long). At least i am back to posting again after so long right? :) I don't know who still visits my blog, and i have absolutely no idea who is the 'hi' on my tagboard, and even no idea what he/she is talking about. Oh and i got a new blog song. I'm not really sure what is the title. Some places say it is 'At The Beginning', whereas others say it is 'Life is the road'. Well i really have no idea which is which, but all i know it's a nice song! Enjoy! :)

Let's start the post proper. It's been a really long time since i last posted. A lot of things have been happening during this period, happy stuff, sad stuff, all kinds! I had a memorable birthday, quite an interesting one as i was rushing out our group's Project Work Written Report as the exam deadline is due on my birthday. Didn't sleep for the whole night plus the severe lack of sleep the previous few nights and i was pretty much 90% dead on my birthday! Irony eh. And I HAD WU SHU ON THAT DAY!! LOL! What a way to fool me huh! But this year's birthday i got a treat for lunch! :) belated thanks again to those that treat me! :) oh and this year i got presents as well! Thanks thanks! :) of course not forgetting those who wish me happy birthday! Thanks a lot to you all too! :)

Besides my birthday, i couldn't really think of any other memorable incident - not that there isn't, but apparently, i don't wish to talk about them. Some are sad stuff that remains vividly in my mind, others well, nothing much to talk about! xP Actually i don't really have much to talk, mostly based on the fact that whenever i had the inspiration to blog about something, i couldn't blog! It's either, i'm outside, going out, going to sleep, and all kinds of reasons! By the time i reach my computer, i would have forgotten! Blur guy over here! :) Maybe i didn't make the effort to remember. Who knows? Haha.

Anyway, getting bored at home these days. Don't really have the mood to do anything, especially at the thought of certain stuff, it even spoils my mood! Maybe some would say just don't think about it, but i can't! My heart reminds me of it! The problem is just there and it wouldn't run away by just simply not thinking of it. All i can do now is to pretend it is not there, and basically cherish the time now! :) I think many would simply go 'huh?' at this paragraph, but that's how i always blog right? Now... let's wait till i have inspiration to blog again. Who knows when? :)

Feeling comes from the heart could be stopped by the brain, but not completely! :)

Standing at the beginning with you...

2009-11-02T18:18:00.002+08:00

I realised it has been a long long time since i last made a real post. There was only one miserable post in October, and i never even blogged on my birthday! HAHA! Well, it was really a memorable birthday due to many reasons. :)

2009-10-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

It has been a long long time since i had an actual post. I think i may have already lose the hang of blogging?

2009-10-09T19:42:00.001+08:00

It has been a long long long time hasn't it? Haha. I'm busy with lots and lots and lots of stuff what. Even if i blogged, my tagboard would still be dead right? Promos are finally over! It's like a huge load off my back, but wait... is it really over? I don't really feel happy that it is over anyway - it's just finally i can devote my time into doing something i have been trying hard to do. That's my source of happiness. :) Anyway, i didn't think i will do well for promos, so what's there to be happy about? o.O

Hmm... Suddenly my mind is blank after playing piano. Have no idea of what to blog... Well, shall continue next time. Till then! :)

He who thinks he tried his best but didn't succeed have not tried his best at all.

Hope i will not regret this. =X

2009-09-23T02:48:00.002+08:00

Yet another Wednesday that i am posting, although this time it is at the earliest time. Perhaps you may wonder what in the world am i doing at this hour. Mugging? PW? Homework? No. None of them. Believe it or not, i am sitting here listening to piano pieces on youtube and staring into the computer screen, while countless thoughts race through my brain like how rain drops fell onto earth. I am totally overwhelmed by them. I can't sleep, that is why i am here typing this post.

Am i too free? On the contrary. I have a huge pile of work to do. There is still in no order of importance, Written Report for PW, I&R for PW, Promos in a week plus time to prepare for, Leadership Camp to plan for, and the list goes on and on and on. I am like torn between everything - I don't know which is more important, which is not. My brain tells me this is more important, my heart tells me otherwise, my actions goes another way. They all just don't seem to work together. This isn't good for me. In fact, this will kill me at this rate. I have no idea how to handle this.

People around me ain't doing fantastically well either. I do not wish to talk about what happen to them, but i sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that they would be able to cope with whatever they are struggling to cope with now. I want to have smiling faces around me, not any other kinds of faces. So people, please do me and do yourself a favour!

I am stuck in between wishing these days to pass as soon as possible, so i can be free from all the load stack onto me, emotionally and physically, and wishing the days to be longer so i would have more time to do what i need to do. But i can't change anything, could I? I think blogging really gives me a time to sit quietly and reflect upon my actions. I seem to be able to correct myself as i type. But how long can that last? I wonder. I have to throw my emotional load away from me, at least for this moment. The emotional load gathers will crush me, and as soon as it does, i am as good as dead. That cannot happen! I cannot fall! I made promises, and i have to deliver them! SIMPLE AS THAT! If i fall and i am the only one affected, it's perfectly alright. But the thing is that i will affect others too, so i can't fall! I just can't!

Time to wake up from all this. There just ain't enough time for me to waste anymore. There may not be even enough time to do the work, much less waste anymore time away just because of my emotions. Emotions ain't everything, and i DO NOT need to entertain them at all. Time to leave them at one side, get my things done, and then come back. But that doesn't mean i will leave anyone behind. Those that know me will know that i never will. It's 3.18 already. Time to sleep! :)

The biggest regret in my life is that i didn't get to know you earlier. :(

Time is running out. =X

2009-09-16T15:01:00.002+08:00

It's been a week since i last posted. My tagboard is still quite dead. I guess it's either everyone is busy preparing for the upcoming prelims/Os/promos/eoys and so on or people really do not understand my posts. Hmm... since when anyone does?

These days weren't easy for me to pass. In fact, there is a constant thing keep resounding in my brain, as if it's a hypnotism that sent me thinking and thinking into my own world - oblivious of what is happening around me. Can it be considered as daydreaming? Perhaps. Anyway, i have finally started doing work, not really much of studying yet, because everything is still quite in a mess, but at least that's a good start. I wonder how long that will last. o.O There's something that keep my going. That is when i dive deep into doing work, the work i am doing is predominant in my mind, and that i am 'saved' from thinking about some stuff for that period of time - that is if i could concentrate. It seems the best way of doing things.

There seems to be lots of things that i am puzzled with. All the phenomenons left me with no clue as to the reason(s) why they are happening. In the end, i will have to resort to guessing and finding stuff to be convince myself that i am right. But am i really right? I have no idea. It seems too many things are hidden from me, and the truth is concealed under many layers and layers of false information, which may end up being the truth. Nothing makes sense to me as to why they are happening. They are just happening. I know they ARE happening cause i can feel so, even though i was told it isn't. I trust my feelings on that.

I lack a sense of direction. It seems that i can only let things be as they are now. I can't do anything if i am not allowed to, so it really makes no difference whether or not i know what is going on. I am not entrusted the task of changing things anymore. Was i entrusted before or was it my own wishful thinking? No idea. There are lots and lots of unanswered question, and the list could only go on and on. As the days passed and the final day approaches, i wonder how things will turn out. =X

Will time reveal the real truth hidden deep inside your heart?

Confused, but holding on! :)

2009-09-09T19:38:00.002+08:00

I realised my blogging frequency have been greatly minimized to the bare minimum. Haha. In fact, you can safely say that i don't actually blog anymore. That partially explains why my tagboard is so dead. Actually, even if i do blog, my tagboard still will remain quite dormant since not many people can understand what i am blogging about. Don't you all agree? I am assuming there's still people checking this rotting blog for a long awaited update - otherwise, i will be talking to air. :)

Anyway, my mind has been largely preoccupied recently by many many many stuff - as many as you can imagine. They are not exactly schoolwork - in fact, since when school work will be kept in my mind? Haha. I always forget about them fast. Maybe you will start asking me what am i so preoccupied about, but i really can't say. So don't start imagining things. If you're so free, spare me some time, would you? :)

Haha. I lack the inspiration these days. Sometimes i have the sudden urge of blogging, but it just fades off so quickly. I created quite a number of post before this, but i never managed to complete them. I think my mind has been constantly bombarded by lots of stuff going on, until things just change suddenly - and the worse thing is, it could only get worse as the end of the year approaches. I seriously need to get a hold of myself before something happens again. It seems like i get better and better controlling myself thanks to a certain someone who 'trains' me to do so. xP

Promotional Examinations. This is coming real soon, but i am of course super not prepared, and i am not even preparing yet! What's with all the talk and goals and whatever, but i just can't control myself to do it? I don't know. Don't i always go against what i say? Those who knows me well should agree with that. :) I haven't really found an effective way to study - a way that could keep me going on and on studying. Things around me just change too fast for me to catch up, much less devise a plan of what to do. I think if i found a way to just even convert 50% of what i think to actions, it's already an magnificent feat. I think perhaps even 10% too! I would have accomplish a lot if i could do that. Great ideas without actions = nothing! =X What should i do? o.O

Lots and lots of questions left unanswered. I don't know the rationale behind it, but i do hope that i could know even if it's nothing good. :)

Does anyone understand what i am posting about? o.O

2009-08-16T12:50:00.002+08:00

This blog seems like it's going to rot. It's not that i am busy in anyway - more like i'm busy slacking. My tagboard is quite dead too, but at least i know that there are still some (i don't really know how many) silent readers out there. Nobody knows what to tag anyway since most don't really understand my post.

Anyway, i think i really need a place to release the stress build up inside over the days. A lot of things happening and it's all going in and no way of going out. It doesn't really feel great when i end up emoing, because i tend to curl up in some 'defensive position' and it's as though the whole world owes me. I end up creating problems for people close to me, and i don't want that - what for?

I think i must be very very irritating recently. I wanted to help other people, but instead i think i created more trouble by emoing rather than helping. -.- Oh and i gave more chances of nightmares attacking me, and the frequency of them coming is increasing till it gets to figures like 3 nightmares in a short time of only 5 hours? Crazy. End up i will have headaches which gets me more irritated. I really need to calm myself down. Does anyone have any suggestions? o.O

I am sorry for hurting you and giving you extra stress when you clearly have more than enough stress already. I need to calm down!

Fluctuating emotions. My keyboard's screwed. -.-

2009-08-09T16:44:00.004+08:00

Happy 44th Birthday to Singapore! xD

4.44pm is a nice time to start this post, since it's the 44th Birthday of Singapore. I wasn't particularly hyped out during the previous years - only looking forward to the parade at night and hanging out the national flag when i was young, but apparently this year feels a little different.

This year, i came to realise there's actually people who wants to stay in Singapore a lot, but because their parents have to migrate to some other country, they are forced to follow along. Perhaps this doesn't mean much to the parents themselves, but i suppose it means a lot to the children. They are separated from their friends, the familiar environment, into a totally new environment. Of course it is possible to get new friends when you're overseas, but the question is, is it the same?

Of course there are different opinions. Some may say they would like to migrate to other countries, but how many of these people will ultimately regret? That's a question only they themselves would know when they experience it. Seriously, i can't fathom why must parents force their children to migrate with them?! Argh!

How i wish it is just like in Economics - Everyone have the freedom and choice to choose the combination they want.

Don't rejoice/worry. I'm not migrating.

2009-08-07T23:04:00.001+08:00

I have left my blog rotting for two weeks. Sorry to all the 'silent readers' out there. Haha. It has been quite an eventful week, with the submission of Project Work Written Report first draft, rehearsals for today, and many many other stuff going on simultaneously. Problems appearing simultaneously too - apparently you can't just solve them as how you solve simultaneous equations using your graphic calculator. Many times i wanted to blog, but somehow due to a sudden change of events, i lost the mood to blog. That's why my blog is left in this vulnerable decomposition state and rotting.

Today was the celebration for the 44th National Day. I was the parade commander for today and i was told i did good, which i assumed they aren't lying. xP Though it was rather a small scale parade, and i had to stand there for quite a period of time (not as long as other parades i have been to before, like NCC DAY), it's no mean feat to be able to shout while having some phlegm stuck in my throat. What a good way to clear my throat huh. :) I didn't pay much attention to the rest of the segment of the celebration, mainly because i was trying to type a 8 sms long message. What a time to be thinking about marbles huh. xP

8 of us, Gong Yi, Jefferson, Jun Jie, Si Min, Wan Yu, Desmond, Alvan and I went Northpoint to eat after that. I didn't expect they would agree to come to northpoint since it's super convenient for me - nevertheless they did. We went to foodcourt to eat after walking rounds in northpoint, and i ate the nasi biryani and i was so full till i skipped dinner (not only because of that). We had an enjoyable lunch and then Si Min, Wan Yu, Alvan and me went around northpoint while the rest left. It turned up we had some fun while 'touring' around northpoint. :) We went to timezone too! The 2 girls insisted that we play, so i pulled Alvan along. We played quite a few games that are actually meant for young children, but i guess it's still quite fun! xP Timezone had this buy $20 get $20 free, so apparently we could play quite a number of games. Not bad! Quite fun! xD

Came back home and knock off on my bed. Had a full time realistic nightmare that shook me terribly - much worse than a horror movie. Woke up and went right down the mood roller coaster and somethings happen and it went up again. xP No no no, i am not having mood swings. :)

The clouds of tomorrow blocked my view of the sky, which i unkowingly blame the clouds, but i know it's not entirely their fault. :)

Misunderstandings

2009-07-24T23:34:00.001+08:00

*I started this post at this time, but didn't have time to finish it.*

This post is in memory of my dearest maternal grandfather, who has just passed on this monday, 20th July 2009. This was the reason why i was pretty much MIA during the whole week. On Sunday night, i didn't managed to finish the linear equation quiz before the clock struck 12, and it blocked me from submitting my answer as i have exceeded the deadline. After which i went to start on my EoM for about an hour, when i received a call from my aunt that shocked me. My grandfather didn't seem like he is going to survive for long!

My grandfather was admitted to the hospital on somewhere in the end of June. I forgot the exact date, since i wasn't sure in the first place. On the night of 30th June, my mother came back, sounding extremely not alright. I asked her what happened, and to my horror, i was told that my grandfather had liver cancer. It's already in the last stage and he only had around 3 months more to live. I cried that night.

I went to visit my grandfather whenever i could spare the time, since at that time i was going to have my mid year exams too. There was once actually we were told that my grandfather didn't look right. It was last tuesday (14/7), where i was about to start wu shu. I rushed down that day, and was glad it's a false alarm. On monday night it was different. He was really on the last lap of his life. My grandmother, mother, and my aunts were there the whole night, and i didn't sleep a wink. All of us cried a few times that night. I didn't go school on monday.

I went home to sleep in the afternoon, thinking i would come down again at night and since i have to do my EoM too. I was woken up my a call from my mother, informing me that my aunt's husband who was at the hospice then told her that my grandfather's breaths are getting weaker. I was rushing to get up and prepare to rush down, when soon after i got another call - my grandfather passed away at 6.35pm. I cried again. I forced myself to swallow down my dinner, which i only took half a bowl, because i knew it's not time for me to get sick by not eating. I rushed down after that. I went home late that night after pei-ing my grandmother while my mother and my aunts went around to settle matters.

I didn't go to school on tuesday as i was emotionally and physically exhausted. I finished my EoM when i woke up, and i went down to the wake. Helped out a little around there. Nothing much happened that day except i cried again after seeing my grandfather lying in the coffin. I went back to school on Wednesday and Thursday, and i went down to the wake after school. There was memorial service on both nights, which i broke down on both nights. =X Friday was the funeral, didn't go to school again, and i my head was aching terribly in the morning. I supposed that was the day where i broke down the most number of times. =X

This whole week i had the minimum hours of sleep. Reached home after 12 and woke up really early. It wasn't easy to pull through. Some may say it's just my grandfather - but it's not just my grandfather, it's someone who brought me up since young! My grandparents looked after me since i was born and i stayed with them on weekdays. Only on weekends then my parents would come to fetch me home. I was greatly doted by my grandparents. For that, i thank my grandfather for how he care for me, how he doted me since young, how he used to bring me out to Bugis Junction, how he brought me the food that i like to eat, and many many other numerous things he had done for me. I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank him. He was a great and strong man. I hope he is able to rest in peace.

I also wished to thank someone. Someone has accompanied me through all these things, right from the start where i first know of what my grandfather was suffering from. Someone that cheered me up this whole week. Someone that helped me pull through all this. By any chance if that someone is reading this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you very very much! Merci beaucoup! :) And to all those who know about this ultimately and offer their condolences, thank you too! :) Sorry to those that didn't know. I didn't want to tell anyone actually because i don't want too much attention.

Thank you for everything! :)

Gone peacefully.

2009-07-16T21:00:00.001+08:00

My luck has changed for the worse. This few days i have been getting seriously very very very unlucky. A lot of unlucky things happened to me, which now i have neither the time nor the mood to talk about them. I just hope everything can change for the better as soon as possible, else i can only get more and more stress. It seems that the smile on my face has been appearing less frequently then before, which obviously it ain't a good sign. Can everything be good all over again? o.O

Time is seriously running out!

Stressed.

2009-07-12T14:51:00.002+08:00

Hmm... I seriously should STOP entertaining those negative thoughts whenever they come when i am tired. They spoils my mood - totally! But it's really hard to shake them off my mind, and it comes back to haunt me. -.- The worse part is, probably most, if not all, of what i think is absolutely rubbish! Bleh.

My first solo is dragging on and on and on. I wonder when i can eventually fly it and then get into PPL. Can i make it in the first place? o.O

You can never guess what is going on, but you can figure them out - somehow.

Bored.

2009-07-10T20:35:00.002+08:00

Looks like i am wrong. It's only here for a short period of time. I should be satisfied. But i really can't be. Must it be like this? Or am i imagining things again? AHH! I shouldn't be thinking of it like this, but i can't help it now. I should keep myself occupied.

Bad memories stays vividly in the mind and good memories just vanish like that - or do they?

I don't know. =X

2009-07-08T21:48:00.002+08:00

I think my luck is turning for the better! :) Does one get luckier as one gets happier? Probably i can establish this relationship between the two factors, or maybe that just applies to me only. Who knows? o.O Let's write a paragraph using the PEEL method. Can practise for GP! xP

My luck is changing for the better! (Point) I was having bad luck that can go to a point where i am extremely unlucky for the past few days or weeks i don't remember. However, it seems to me that from yesterday, my luck seems to become good suddenly. (Elaboration) Yesterday, i was at novena square's taxi stand waiting for taxi. My father and mother were queueing up while i noticed there was a supermarket trolley not properly placed in the row of trolleys. I glanced and realised that the $1 coin was still inside. I tried to put it back properly and i realised how come the $1 coin was forsaken. The trolley was too big to be put in properly, which explains why the thing cannot be inserted and the $1 cannot be taken back. Thankfully, i came up with my own way of putting. I twist the trolley around and managed to put the lock back and i got the $1! :) Today was better. I was walking with Alvan, Jefferson and Jun Jie towards MRT there and i heard something dropped. I looked down and i saw $1 on the floor, and i picked it up. :) $1 per day is nice! Today was my flight too, but it rained like a while before my flight. Somehow the rain managed to stop in time and i got to fly! :) Although my first solo was cancelled (for the 3rd time) as the runway is wet, at least i shown my instructor i improved! :) (Examples) Now there's still other things i think, which is why i said my luck has change for the better! Hope it will continue to be good! xD (Link)

Haha. This is an interesting way to blog and say out what happen i suppose. Well now i still got econs case study to do. Yawns.

The key to overcome your fears is to relax as much as possible! xD

I still wish for miracles to happen.